Ss Jokes - page 60

A change in routine

A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he is to be notified immediately. After about a week of no news the business man receives a telegram: “The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn’t show up, yesterday…”

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Art Appreciation

Pablo Picasso visited his local cabinetmaker to commission a mahogany wardrobe for his chateau. To illustrate the shape and dimensions he required, he drew a hasty sketch on a sheet of paper and handed it to the craftsman. “How much will it cost?” he asked. “Nothing at all,” replied the cabinetmaker. “Just sign the sketch.”

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Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, “Hello ladies!”

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yo mama

YO MOMMA SO STUPID… Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test! Yo momma so stupid, she thought, “Wu Tang” was an African orange drink! Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl. Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order! Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo momma…

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Crazy Engineers

A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child’s toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost…

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Rings True

A small church advertised for a bell ringer. The priest answered a knock at the door and saw an armless man. “I’m here about the bell ringer job,” the man said. “But,” replied the priest, “How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?” “Watch me!” the man said. The priest and the armless man climbed the spiral staircase up to the bell tower. The armless man ran at the bell and smacked the bell with his forehead,…

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Easy Money

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.” The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll…

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Reading the Signs

Friends took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs. He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec. When he awoke, he saw the French highway signs and said in a worried tone, “Daddy, I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep.”

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Go fish

A country lad applied for a salesman job at a city department store. In fact, it was the largest store in the world. The boss asked, “Have you ever been a salesman before?” “Yes, I was a salesman in the country,” said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said. “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come by when we close to see how you’re doing.” The day was long and arduous for the lad, but finally…

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You might be a redneck if….

You might be a reneck if… -You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre. -You’ve ever spraypainted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass. -You’ve ever Christmas shopped at a truck stop. -You think heaven looks alot like Daytona, Florida. -You truly think God looks like Hank Williams Jr. -You go to a stockcar race and don’t nead a program. -Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show em your belt buckle. -Directions to your house include…

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