Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Just a line to say I’m living, That I’m not among the dead, Though I’m getting more forgetful And all mixed up inside my head. I got used to my arthritis, To my dentures, I’m resigned. I can manage my bifocals But, Dear God, I miss my mind. Sometimes I can’t remember When I’m at the foot of stairs If I must go up for something Or if I’ve just come down from there. And before the fridge so often,…
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Leaving a plush night club one evening, a miserly gentleman walked past the doorman without tipping him. Nevertheless, the doorman graciously helped the man into a taxi with a flourish and said, pleasantly, “By the way, Sir, in case you happen to lose your wallet on the way home, just remember that you didn’t pull it out here.”
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A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and $1874 in small bills.…
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This fellow was sitting at the counter in a truck stop diner eating lunch. He was rather small in stature, bespectacled, and wearing a suit with a bow-tie. On the stool next to him was his dog, an unusually-small, Mexican Chihuahua. He was surrounded by big rough-looking, rough-talking truck drivers, and he was catching a lot of ribbing about his tiny, little dog. He continued in silence eating his lunch. When he finished, he got off his stool, paid his…
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NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made: “Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us, over.” “Oink, oink. Pig 1 here, Houston, read you loud and clear!” “Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?” “Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing,…
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Three men were in a car. The driver was drunk, and the car crashed in the middle of the desert on a huge rock. The three men started going up to heaven. Half way up they stop, they then hear a voice, “YOU THREE MEN HAVE A CHOICE, YOU GUYS CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN OR BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT ON EARTH OTHER THAN HUMAN.” So the three men all said that they want to be back on earth. They heard…
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Two French brothers were in England, visiting long-lost relatives, their very sophisticated English cousins. Having high tea with Lady Windham, Pierre was making chit-chat: “Tell us about your children, Dear Cousin.” “Oh,” said the Englishwoman, “alas, I have no children.” “I see,” pipe in Jean-Claude, “you are FRUITLESS.” Seeing the expression on Lady Windham’s face, Pierre said, “I think the proper term is UNBEARABLE.” “Non, non,” corrected Jean-Claude. “I’ve got it now: she’s IMPREGNABLE.” The lady winced, and Pierre said,…
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The clerk showed the fellow the store’s most expensive perfume. “This is called ‘Perhaps’,” said the sales clerk. “It’s $285 per ounce.” “Listen,” the fellow shot back, “for $285 an ounce, I don’t want something called ‘Perhaps’ — I want something called, ‘You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You’ll Get Some!’”
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A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, “Are they relatives of yours?” “Yes,” his wife replied. “I married into the family.”
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The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed…
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