Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
The Welfare Department received these letters from American citizens: 1. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. 2. Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. 3. I want money as quick as I can get it, so I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn’t do me any good. If things don’t improve I will have to send…
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An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, “Uh oh!” The man asked the doctor what the problem was. “Well, said the doc, “you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke? “No,” replied the man. “Do you drink to excess?” “No,” replied the man. “Do you have a sex life?” “As a matter of fact, I do!” “Well, said the doc, “I’m afraid with this…
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One day a little boy returns home from Sunday School. When his mother asks him what he learned he says he learned about Moses. “Well, what did you learn about Moses?” “Well,” said the little boy. “We learned about when he escaped Egypt with all of the Hebrews. And how they were trying to get away but Pharoah was chasing them with his army. But Moses was having trouble getting away so he radioed in for help. Then an airplane…
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Question: What do you call a gay dinosaur? Answer: A-mega-saur-ass
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Two guys are eating lunch in a leper colony. (Leper – really nasty looking with skin disorders) The guy on the left looks at the guy on his right, barfs, and runs out of the room. The guy on the right is left in bewilderment. He looks around and says “Well damn, I must be getting pretty damn ugly.” The lady sitting across from him looks over and says “Don’t worry, it’s not you at all, it was the guy…
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There was a strange performance at the LA Philarmonic the other day… It was Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, and it was dedicated to Sammy Sosa… He and his wife got a standing ovation as they took their front-row seats… As the orchestra began to play, the Base players, who don’t have any part until an hour into the Symphony, began to get bored…they held a whispered conversation, and decided to slip quietly out to the Lobby for a few drinks…so they…
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A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises. “I’m afraid not, Sir,” the clerk told him, apologetically, “but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.” Skeptical, but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted 50 cents, stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine…
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ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: Procreation without recreation. BOOKCASE: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and Elvis collectibles. BULIMIA: Retched excess. CHIC: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses. CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work. DENTURES: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music. DNA:…
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A newlywed, a middle-aged and an elderly couple are interested in joining a new church. When they meet with their potential Pastor, he tells them that in order to join the church they would have to remain chaste for the next two weeks. Two weeks later, the three couples return to meet with the Pastor. He asks the elderly couple, “Did you remain chaste over the two weeks?” The husband replies, “Well, we really didn’t have too much of a…
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Well, I’ve done a little research, and what I’ve discovered should make anyone think twice before eating that incredibly mind-boggling and oh so dangerous food: Bread! 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality…
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