Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
An old geezer was watching television when he screamed to his wife, “Get in here right now. You won’t believe the perverted thing they’re showing on TV.” His wife took one look, then said, “Put your glasses on, you old goat! That’s just Castro eating a banana.”
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As you know, I have been delivering presents to good boys and girls for several centuries, but after bypass surgery last Spring, I feel that I can no longer visit every home on earth in the early hours of Christmas morning. Accordingly, I have asked a distant cousin on my father’s side if he would assume some of my responsibilities by visiting the homes in the southern USA, as he is from the deep South himself…actually the South Pole. His…
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There was this guy who found a lamp… yeah you know, he rubs it, a genie comes out, tells him he has three wishes….but you see, this genie said that whatever he wished for, his worst enemy would get twice that. (If he wished for a million dollars, his enemy would get two million) Well, the man’s enemy was his neighbor, Bill. So when the guy wished for a hundred beautiful women, Bill, of course, got two hundred women, even…
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Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill. Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running. When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down. Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.” Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments. Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons. Instead of the “Welcome”…
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I have had two by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, prostate cancer, and diabetes, I am half blind and can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia, poor circulation and can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But…Thank God I still have my DRIVER’S LICENSE!!!
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One day this lady bought her son a radio for 500 dollars. The lady told her son not to take it outside because somebody might take it. He said, “No one’s going to take it.” His mom said, “If they do, tell them you’re the bad mother fucker from down the street, and you’ll kick their ass from street to street.” So he was walking in Chicago and some gang bangers were in the park. They said: “Hey boy, let…
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A woman was boarding the bus one day and as she was getting her fare the driver exclaims, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman slams her money in the farebox and angrily stomps to her seat. The guy she sits next to asks, “What’s wrong?” The woman says, “The bus driver just insulted me!” “What?!” He’s supposed to be a public servant, and he’s insulting people?” “Yeah, and I should go up there and cuss him out!”…
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A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.”…
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Q: What is the first sign of aids? A: A pounding sensation in your ass!!!
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Elizabeth Taylor’s fabulous diamond ring drew the attention of Princess Margaret, who remarked, “That’s a bit vulgar.” Miss Taylor persuaded the princess to try on the ring. “There, it’s not so vulgar now, is it?” she said.
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