Goodnight Kiss
All he asked for was a little goodnight kiss, but she haughtily rebuffed him with, “I don’t DO that sort of thing on my first date!” “Well,” he replied with dripping sarcasm, “how about on your LAST date?”
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ss Jokes - page 27
Miss America 1921
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies’ ideal of beauty changes over time. “For example,” he said, “Take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?” The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, “Not very well.” “Why is that?” asked the professor. “For one thing,”…
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Short-Term Memory Loss
An elderly widow and widower had been dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry him. She immediately said, “Yes.” The next morning when he awoke, he remembered asking her to marry him, but he couldn’t remember what her answer was! “Was she happy? I think so. Wait! No, she looked kinda funny . . . .” After about an hour of trying to remember, to no avail, he got on the telephone and…
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Redneck classic
You might be a redneck if you’re at a party and the punchbowl flushes
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Incident on a Crosstown Bus
A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. On the fourth move, the man burst out laughing! She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.…
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Who’s the Boss?
One evening a preschooler, Sarah, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Sarah asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss of the house, right?” Her father proudly replied, “Yes, I am the boss of the house, Baby.” Upon hearing this, Sarah added, “Cause Mommy put you in charge, right, Daddy?”
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Lesser of Evils
During a routine physical exam, the doctor found his elderly male patient suffering from the effects of old age much sooner than expected. So, he gave the old man this piece of advice, “Your gout is getting much worse. You’ll have to give up drinking, smoking and having sex for a long while.” The old man stared back at his doctor incredulously before blurting out, “What for? So that I can just walk a little better?”
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The Classifieds
(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…
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Stress Management
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called “the world.” The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear… …so clear that you can easily make out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water. There now, feeling better?
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Lesser of Two Evils?
The two major party presidential candidates agreed that Americans are seeing too much inappropriate material in popular entertainment. However, they disagreed on the details. Republican Texas governor, George W. Bush stated that there is too much bloody violence in the movies and on television. Vice President Al Gore meanwhile stated that the media present Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity. In other words, Bush says there is too much gore and Gore says there is too much bush.
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