Ss Jokes - page 239

Quick Comeback

Karen and Ken, a couple in their mid-fifties, had finally decided to tie the knot. Karen and her girlfriend, Sarah, were discussing the upcoming wedding plans. After describing her beautiful wedding dress, Sarah asked Karen what color her shoes would be. Karen replied, “I thought Silver would be nice.” Ken, the eavesdropping fiancee, had to get his two cents in by retorting, “Yes. Silver will be very nice…it will match your hair!” Sarah, not missing a beat, shot a look…

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Witch Doctor

A film crew is on location in Kenya, when a tribal shaman approaches the director and says, “Tomorrow rain.” The director pays no attention, but the following day it pours and shooting has to be delayed. That night, the director sends his assistant to bring the shaman back. “What will be the weather tomorrow?” asks the director. “Bigger rain tomorrow, much wind,” and sure enough a terrible storm once again delays the filming. But then the witch doctor disappears for…

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The Elevator

Upon graduation from high school in a very rural area, young John was to be escorted to “the big city” by ma and pa to scout out the location of the college he would be attending next year. Ma and Pa had never been to “the big city” either, but they were sure that they would be able to safely excort their precious son and help to answer any questions he might have-since everything in “the big city” would be…

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President Clinton in Africa

Earlier this year, when President Clinton visited various African nations, he had some interesting comments to say just prior to a press conference. At one of his stops, as he came down to the bottom of the steps off of Air Force One, a shapely African woman walked up to greet him. “Hello, young lady, what tribe do you belong to?” the President asks. “Ubange,” she answered, to which the President said, “Youbetcha. Right after the press conference.”

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Just Gotta Do It

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards, the pastor asked the man where he had gone. “I went to get a haircut,” was the reply. “But,” said the pastor, “why didn’t you do that before the service?” “Because,” the gentleman said, “I didn’t need one then.”

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A New House Bill

Introducing a House Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys PC 370.00 370.01 -Any person with a valid State Rodent or Snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes. 370.02 -Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited. 370.03 -The willful targeting of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in…

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Drunk Crawler

A gentleman was at a bar very late and was extremely drunk. He decided that since he lived close to the bar he would go ahead and walk home. He tried to get up and fell flat on his face. He dragged himself across the bar to the door and tried to haul himself up again. He fell again. he crawled down the street to his front door and tried to stand again. Again he fell. He managed to drag…

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Simple math

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?” The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.” The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the…

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In trouble again??

While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, “Was it worth the trouble you’re in?”

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Ten Commandments

This is a little known tale of how God came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments. God first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. “What’s a commandment?” they asked. “Well, it’s like, thou shalt not commit adultery,” replied God. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, “No way, that would ruin our weekends.” So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also…

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