Ss Jokes - page 23

Apollo Moon Mission

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo Moon Mission, took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the lunar surface. Alone, with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full lunar space suits. Nearby, a Navajo sheep herder and his son were watching the strange creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by personnel. The two Navajo peple were noticed and…

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X-Ray Glasses

Vinnie goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn’t fully convinced. The store assistant comes along and shows him how to use them, so he buys them. On his way home, Vinnie puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked! He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on…everyone is naked again! “Cool!”…

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Bad Ass Johnny & his Wagon

Bad ass Johnny was pushing his wagon up a hill, he was having a difficult time, and because of this he was cursing and swearing all the way up the hill. A Priest met him half way up and said, “Don’t swear, Jesus can hear you.” So Bad ass Johnny decided he was going to be a smart ass and said, “Is Jesus in the trees?” and the priest replied, “Yes, He can hear you.” Then Bad ass Johnny asked,…

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Missing Brandy

Mr. Harris was complaining to his brother that someone in his household had been drinking his most expensive brandy on the sly everyday but he had no idea as to who the culprit was. So they discussed the list of usual suspects. They discounted Mr. Harris’ chauffeur as he was with Mr. Harris all the time. They also left out Mr. Harris’ housecleaning maid who came to clean the house only thrice a week. So they narrowed the list down…

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Class Essay

The teacher in a fifth grade class said, “Class, I want you to imagine that you are the President of the United States and write an essay about what you will do for your country.” All of the students start writing, but the teacher sees little Johnny not writing at all. The teacher asks him, “Johnny, why aren’t you writing your essay?” Little Johnny replies, “I am waiting for my secretary.”

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The Princess and the Frog (revised)

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said: “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that…

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Impress Me!

TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring beer.

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