Ss Jokes - page 202

Find the Spot

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes, the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?” After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

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Outrunning a Ghost

There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man’s face appeared outside the passenger…

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Amazing Crippled Man

One Sunday,the alterboy of the local church had waited intently for the priest to come. As he arrived, the alterboy exclaimed, “Father the most incredible thing just happened!” “And what might have happened, Jimmy?” “This guy with crutches just walked into church, put holy water on one of his legs then through the crutch away! Then he took holy water put it on his other leg then threw his other crutch away!” “OHHHHHH MY GOD, THIS IS A MIRACLE, WHERE…

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Reasons why Trick or Treating is Better than Sex

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy. 6. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last nine months. 4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky. 3. It doesn’t matter if kids hear…

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Nut Store

A guy with a lisp walks into a nut store. The clerk is a very large man with a very, very large nose. The guy with the lisp asks how much the peanuts are. The clerk replies, “The peanuts are a $1.39.” The guy with the lisp says, “Too high, too high.” “How much are your walnuts, sir?” The clerk replies, “The walnuts are $1.49.” The guy with the lisp replies, “Too high, too high.” “I guess I’ll go to…

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Itchy Blonde

A lovely blonde woke up one morning with a burning itch between her legs. She went to the clinic immediately. After she was examined, the doctor gave her his diagnosis. “Miss Appleby, you have acute vaginitis”. She smiled demurely. “Why thank you, Doctor.”

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Secret to old age

Three old men were sitting on a bench in Florida when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life,” the reported asked. The three old men agreed. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life. “I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.” “Wow, thats really remarkable!” said…

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woman bashing

How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure. Why did God give men penises? So we’d always have at least one way to shut a…

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Fighting Fish

A gentleman wanted to breed a new fighting fish so he crossed a cod with a walleye and called a Cowall. It had the size he wanted but it didn’t have the fight so he crossed it with a Muskie and called it a Cowallskie. It had the size and the fight he wanted but it couldn’t swim. (Polish Joke)

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