Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A girl had devised a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn’t find any practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she’d offer the man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man was asleep, he’d be jarred awake by her with his penis…
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Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. His co-worker, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, “Oh, nothing. Just an old hockey injury that acts up once in awhile.” Josh said, “Gee, I never knew you played hockey.” Andy replied, “No, I don’t. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-offs. I put my foot through the television….”
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There once was a poor lad named Timmy who had the misfortune of being born with only a head — no arms, no legs, nothing but a head. Now Timmy was a basically happy person and he was loved and cared for by his family. As long as he stayed within the shelter of his family he was unworried by his condition, but as soon as he was thrust out into the world he knew that something was seriously wrong.…
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**How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open by the time she brings it! **Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you! **Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink! **How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?…
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Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job, as women, to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have at dinner. Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age, and some go all sour and vinegary and wind up giving you a headache.
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An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path. Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. I don’t get even, I…
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A church had a man in the choir who couldn’t sing. Several people hinted to him that he could better serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. “You’ve GOT to get that man out of my choir,” he said. “If you don’t, I’m going to resign. He sings very loudly and off-key! We practice and practice, and he ruins all our presentations. The other choir…
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Hello, my name is Jonathan McKenzie. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before…
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This mangy-lookin’ guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bar-tender says “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.” The guy says “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.” “Deal!” says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the…
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One thing that has always bugged me is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello? AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T… Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T… Me:…
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