Snack Jokes - page 2

This is a specially-formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds up during the day. BREAKFAST 1 grapefruit 1 slice whole-wheat toast 1 cup skim milk LUNCH Small portion lean, steamed chicken 1 cup of spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 Hershey kiss AFTERNOON SNACK The rest of the kisses in the bag 1 tub of Hagen Daas ice cream with chocolate-chip topping DINNER 4 bottles of wine (red or white) 2 loaves garlic bread 1…

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Subject: 40 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by actual journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope…

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1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do. 4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. e.g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake. 5. If you fatten…

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A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?” She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.” He turns beet red in…

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