Smiles Jokes - page 3

The Patient

There was a doctor doing his daily rounds in the local mental institution. He got to one of the rooms and noticed two patients in there acting strangely. He walks up to Patient#1 and says, “Excuse me, but just what is it that you are doing?” Patient#1 looks up at the doctor and says, “Duh…can’t you see I’m cutting this piece of wood?!” The doctor notices him sawing back and forth on an imaginary piece of wood but says nothing…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Patient

Smurf in the Bar.

One day a smurf walks into a biker bar, jumps onto a stool, then the counter and orders a beer. After downing the beer the smurf looks down to the far end of the bar and sees the biggest biker in the place. He then runs down to the biker, looks him square in the eyes, smiles from ear-to-ear, sticks his face in the biker’s beer and goes “bbbbbbb.” After taking his face out of the biker’s beer he runs…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeSmurf in the Bar.

Grandpa Forgot

My Grandpa and Grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, “Hey Ma, I’m gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?” “Yeah, Pa, but you’d better write it down or you’ll forget”, says Grandma. Grandpa replies, “I won’t forget.” “Alright then”, says Grandma, “I’d like nuts and whipped cream and a cherry on mine. You’d better write that down, Pa you’re gonna forget it.” Disgruntled, Grandpa storms…

(4)Loading...

Read JokeGrandpa Forgot

I wanna be held

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband asks, “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen that night, and he might as well deal with it. The next day the husband takes…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeI wanna be held

A Baseball Hero (Sort Of…)

Coming home from his Little League championship game, Chuck was all smiles when he was greeted by his Dad who asked, “How did you do in your championship game, son?” “Great, Dad!” exclaimed Chuck. “I was responsible for the winning run!” “Really? That’s great news!” remarked his Dad. “How did you do it, son?” “I dropped the ball.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeA Baseball Hero (Sort Of…)

The Deer Hunter

It was Saturday morning as Jack, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife Annie sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. “What you are doing up and dressed like that?” he asks. “I’m going hunting with you”, Annie smiles. Jack reluctantly agrees to take her along, and when they reach the hunting site,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Deer Hunter

Beer drinking…101

Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Improper bladder control. Action: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training. Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Fault: Glass Empty Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Fault: You have fallen over backwards. Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeBeer drinking…101

Hard of Hearing

A retired couple was driving to Florida for the winter, when they were stopped by a highway patrolman in South Carolina. The patrolman approached the car, and noticed that is was an elderly couple, and the wife was driving. “Excuse me, Maam”, he said to the old woman, “Can I see your driver’s license please?” She then turned to her husband with puzzled look on her face. To this the old man screamed, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE!”…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHard of Hearing

Air Force One Joke

Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are sitting side by side as they are waiting for Air Force One to take off. The stewardess comes over and asks solicitously, “Can I get you a drink, Mr. President?” Bill Clinton says cheerfully, “Why sure honey! I’ll have a martini, please. Shaken not stirred. Ha ha ha!” The stewardess smiles back and turns to the Reverend Jackson, “And you, sir? Care for the same?” “I’d rather be given a blowjob by a two-bit…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeAir Force One Joke

The Mistress

Doctor Goldstein and his wife are having dinner at an upscale restaurant when an attractive young blonde walks by, smiles at the doctor, and says “Hi, Sammy.” “Who the hell is THAT?” asks Sammy’s wife. “That’s my mistress,” Dr. Goldstein replies. “You have a MISTRESS? How long has this been going on?” asks his wife. “About five years,” says the doctor. “Five years? I’ll see a lawyer tomorrow and start a divorce. I’ll ruin you.” “Wait just a minute, honey.…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Mistress