Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile, but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
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Smoking helps you lose weight . . . one lung at a time! Tell a man there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it to see. Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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1.Free drinks. 2.Free dinners. 3.Free movies (you get the point). 4.You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay. 5.You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay. 6.You know ‘The Truth’ about whether size matters. 7.Speeding ticket? What’s that? 8.New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. 9.You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school. 10.If you have sex with someone and don’t call them…
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PERSONAL AD DEFINITIONS (What they REALLY mean) FIRST THE WOMEN 40-ish……………… 48 Adventurer………….. Has had more partners than you ever will Athletic……………. Flat-chested Average looking……… Ugly Beautiful…………… Pathological liar Contagious Smile…….. Bring your penicillin Educated……………. College dropout Emotionally Secure…… Medicated Feminist……………. Fat; ball buster Free spirit…………. Substance user Friendship first…….. Trying to live down reputation as slut Fun………………… Annoying Gentle……………… Comatose Good Listener……….. Borderline Autistic New-Age…………….. All body hair, all the time Old-fashioned……….. Lights out, missionary position only Open-minded…………. Desperate…
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A guy’s walking down the street and sees Dirty Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, “Kid, you’re too young to smoke.” Johnny looks up and doesn’t say anything. The guy says, “How old are you?” Johnny says, “Six.” The guy says, “Six? When did you start smoking?” Johnny says, “Right after the first time I got laid.” The guy says, “Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?” Johnny says, “I don’t remember. I was drunk.”
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EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________ KNOWLEDGE: 1.____ The son-of-a-bitch really knows his shit 2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous 3.____ Only has half a brain and is dangerous 4.____ Fucking brain damaged. His coffee cup has a higher I.Q. ACCURACY: 1.____ Does excellent work; is not preoccupied with pussy 2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass 3.____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten 4.____ Couldn’t count…
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A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?” Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”
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A joke told about my father, Officer Harold Padgett, who was a traffic cop at the time…… George had just gotten a brand new ten speed bike when he got the notion in his head that he was going to ride his new bike across the state. George hopped on his bike and peddled away toward this new adventure. Twenty miles down the road, George is huffing and puffing all the peddling, so he pulls into a gas to take…
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Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel “Pop n’ Fresh” died last week at age 71 due to a severe yeast infection. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The gravesite was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.” Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.…
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked, with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, Dear,” she said. I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky, little voice: “The big sissy.”
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