Sm Jokes - page 120

Three famous explorers, Dr. Smith, Dr. Doe and Dr. Jones, were on an anthropological excursion into the deepest jungle of Borneo when they were captured by a tribe of head-hunting cannibals. When the three captive explorers were brought into the village, the cannibals’ chief told them, “You all trespassers! We no like trespassers. We eat trespassers. But we very fair. You three take test first. If you pass test, you go away alive. But if you fail, you lose head…

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A new exchange student had just come to his new school and his teacher said to him, “To help you learn english faster I want you to write down four words during lunch that you really like!” The boy nodded and went to work. When he was in the playground he played a game his friends called “take off.” He liked those words so he wrote them down. Later he and his friends were playing a game where they had…

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A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 tie shoes. The salesman says, “But, sir, I can see from up here you’re at least a size 11.” The guy says, “Just bring me a size 8 tie shoe.” The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain. He says to the salesman, “I lost my business and my house, I…

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A man sees a dwarf drowning in the sea. The man is feeling sorry for the little guy and decides to help him. When the man rescued the dwarf, the little dwarf is glad and offers the man a wish. “I want a bridge from France to America, so I can walk to Europe and back” The dwarf laughs. “Sorry, I’m no God. Think of something less difficult. The man thinks and then says: “I would like a smart blonde…

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A carpet layer had worked all day installing wall-to-wall carpeting. He noticed a lump under the carpet in the middle of the living room, he felt his shirt pocket for his cigarettes–they were gone. He was not about to pull the carpet back up, so he went outside for a two-by-four. Stamping down cigarettes with it would be easy. Once the lump was smoothed, the man gathered up his tools and carried them to his truck. Then two things happened…

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Barbie’s Letter To Santa: Dear Santa: Listen, you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT’S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you…

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Russian Vodka A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, “Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want.” The Russian begins thinking, “Well I really like drinking vodka.” Finally the Russian says, “I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka.” The Genie grants him his wish.…

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