Six men Jokes - page 5

A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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Clinton mounts operation in Serbia

Editor-looks like this one hasn’t reached you yet ___________________________ Clintons Operation Vowel Drop CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO SERBIA and BOSNIA Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Yugoslavia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless…

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an early x-mas story

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and momma went…

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The 25 Things I’ve Learned In Life…

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…

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So..you want to date my daughter?

Eight Rules to Follow when Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule…

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What a surprise!

April 26, 1999 Why I Fired My Secretary Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for me. She didn’t even say “Good Morning,” let alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that’s wives for you. The children will remember.” The children came in to breakfast and didn’t say a word. When I…

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Technology Organizational Chart

In the lower ranks of the MIS world, sorting out job titles is a nearly impossible task. Some folks are called Analysts. Some are called Programmers. Some are called Engineers. None of them has window offices. A truly experienced high-tech professional has held five or even six of these positions . . . usually all at the same time. 10. Programmer: This person holds the lowest rank in the DP field. Manages no one. Answers to everyone. Approximately 50% of…

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An X-File X-Mas Mystery

X-FILE CASE #1224 ================ 57 ELM STREET BETHLEHEM, PA. 11:51 P.M., DECEMBER 24TH Mulder: Scully! We’re too late! It’s already been here. Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you’re doing. Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care. Scully: You really think someone’s been here? Mulder: Someone … or something. Scully: Mulder, over here — it’s a fruitcake.…

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The truth according to God

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He inquired of God, “Where were you?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. “Look son, look what I’ve made”. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?” God replied, “It’s a planet and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’ve named it Earth and there is a balance between everything on…

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The Alarm

SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered. CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report! NUMBER ONE: Sir! We’re picking up loud music. CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep! NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it’s “The Last Train to Clarksville.” CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured? NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction. CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on. NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness… darkness… Wait, there’s a woman sleeping there.…

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