Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
(Scene 1) KATE WINSLET: My, this is a fancy boat, isn’t it? KATE’S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named “Picasso.” I am certain he will amount to nothing. KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90’s audience, because they know these priceless paintings will sink with the boat. LEONARDO DiCAPRIO: Hello, I’m Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to…
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The English language is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And…
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Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…
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While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our customers. Enclosed with this memo is a “Y2K Backup System” device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the…
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Spook had been suffering from a bad case of the limpdick for several months, so he went to see the doctor. After an extensive battery of tests, the doc sat him down to tell him the results. “I’m sorry,” said the doctor, “but you’ve simply over done it these last few years. Frankly,your penis is burned out, and from what I can determine, you’ve only got about 30 erections left – after that, it’s all over for you in the…
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Corporate Buzzwords for 2000 Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. Cube Farm:…
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Two men were talking about their lives one day, while driving to a boat show. One of the men was single, and the other was married with two children. They crashed into an incoming 18- wheeler and died on impact. When they went to heaven’s waiting room, Peter told the single man he was not allowed in heaven, but let the married man in. The single guy, frustrated and mad, asked Peter why he let the married man in but…
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Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file. The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger’s tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn’t want to start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same place. He decides to confront the…
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Now that Barbie is nearing 40, we’ve created new dolls that more realistically reflect her current life-style. 1. Bifocals Barbie: Includes her own set of blended lens fashion frames in 6 wild colors. Includes neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. 2. Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie’s bellybutton and see her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead and upper lip. Complete with tiny tissues. 3. Facial Hair Barbie:…
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A little old lady’s phone rings late one night and she answers it. “Hello?” A deep voice on the other end says, “I know you, you’d like me to push you down on the bed and rip all your clothes off, lick your body all over and make rough love to you.” The old lady looks at the phone blushing and in amazement and replies, “Wow. You can really tell all this from a single ‘Hello?’”
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