Single man Jokes - page 2

The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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Top 10 Men Bashing Jokes

1) How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them. 2) Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut. 3) Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have time. 4) Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Even at that stage they won’t stop to ask directions. 5) What do men and sperm have in common? They both have…

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The dangerous dog

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied. “I’m sorry,” said Bill, “What happened to her?” “My…

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Idly Rich

A young man, obviously of the upper class, was standing just outside the door of one of New York’s finest hotels, idly puffing at a cigarette, when he was approached by a man who was just as obviously of the laboring class. The laborer said to the young man, “Hey, I’ll bet your father is rich.” “Very rich,” said the upper-class fellow agreeably. “And all your life, you’ve always had everything you want.” “Just about.” “And you’ve never done a…

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Fur Coat

A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. “Show the lady your finest languginous chinchilla coat!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, “Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.” “No problem! I’ll write you a check!” “Very good, sir.” says the shop owner.…

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Darwin Awards

The Darwin Awards are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who, through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Here are some current candidates: Poacher Maino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock–and was killed instantly when it fell on him. Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the…

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But Y 3K?

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day’s trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man notices a gorgeous woman sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm. Lying to the hotel clerk, he says, “Fancy meeting my ‘wife’ here. I’ll need a…

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A Wife and a Mistress

Feeling a bit paranoid, a rich businessman decided to test the fidelity of his wife and his mistress by putting them both on the same cruise ship vacation in the Caribbean. He booked two adjacent rooms for the two women and then begged off from accompanying them because of business concerns. Once the cruise trip ended, he would question his wife and his mistress separately on each other’s behavior during the cruise without letting on about their relationship with him.…

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The New Titanic script

(Scene 1) KATE WINSLET: My, this is a fancy boat, isn’t it? KATE’S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named “Picasso.” I am certain he will amount to nothing. KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90’s audience, because they know these priceless paintings will sink with the boat. LEONARDO DiCAPRIO: Hello, I’m Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to…

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This Crazy English Language

The English language is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And…

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