Sid Jokes - page 82

What is Success?

Most of us understand that our self worth and feelings of achievement change as we go through life. While everyone has different aspirations, it appears we all have some common benchmarks for what success is. Really, it all depends on your age. Consider the following… At age 4, success is not peeing your pants At age 16, success is “getting a little” At age 25, success is graduation and a wedding At age 35, success is about career and family…

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Train Tracks

One day a blonde was walking through the woods when she came up to some train tracks, and a brunette was jumping across them chanting “21, 21, 21, 21…” and so on. The blonde asked the brunette what she was doing, and the brunette just kept jumping over the tracks chanting “21, 21, 21, 21…” After the blonde just sat on the tracks watching the brunette jumping the tracks, the brunette jumped aside the tracks and watched the blonde. The…

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lucky!

A guy is strolling down the street in Chicago where he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies “I’ve always wanted to be lucky.” The genie grants his wish. So off the guy strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 dollars on the sidewalk. Not a bad start he thinks. As he…

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What If…

Ever wonder what it would be like if President Clinton had been born an American Indian Chief? He would most probably be known by the whole Indian tribe as “Chief Crazy Pants.” And his intern? She would most likely be some young Indian maiden named “Kneeling Fox.”

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FREE BEER

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender: “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove…

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What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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The Golfer

A employee was playing golf with his boss for a large bet, and had been waiting for a number of weeks for the game. He set himself up on the first tee and then on the nearby road a funeral went past, and so he took his hat off and bowed his head. His boss was suprised that his employee showed such a Christian side to himself especially as he was playing for a large bet. “That was kind of…

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Signs You are Addicted to Wrestling

You light your bed on fire and fight your brother in it. Your teacher gives you detention, so you give him a Stone Cold Stunner and walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers. You leapfrog over people while playing football, then you turn around and clothesline them. You publish a shirt that says ‘Jay Leno 1-0 Who’s Next.’ Every time you sit down at a table you consider how easily it might break if you were to moonsault onto…

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Things you would never hear at a drive-thru

” Yeah, whatever..” ” It’s your stomach..” ” Would you like that cooked?”.. ” How much salt is TOO much?..” ” If your order is hot, then consider it a gift..” ” You don’t actually think I’m listening, do you?”.. ” Don’t mind the open sore on my lip when you get to the window”.. ” I’m just getting over Hepatitus”.. ” I have to pee, can you hold on a minute?..

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New Car

There was this guy named Joe. Ever since he was born, he has always been 2nd at everything. His baby stroller was always slower than the other kids’, his tricycle was old and rusted and had wobbly wheels, his first bike was a piece of junk, his first car wouldn’t go over 35 m.p.h. So Joe resigned himself to a life of slowness, never able to win a race in his life. Until one day, when his rich uncle died…

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