Sid Jokes - page 64

Most Useful Word in English

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word “fuck.” Out of all the English words that begin with the letter “F”, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the “f” word. It’s one magical word. Just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German — the word ‘flicken’ which means to strike. In English fuck…

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Deposition

One day Bill Clinton had a press conferense to answer questions about him and Monica Lewinsky. One reporter stood up and asked, “Mr. President, why did you have Monica lie in deposition?” Bill replied, “That’s a lie, I asked her to lie in da-position.”

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Lil’ Johnny on Politics

Lil’ Johnny goes up to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the bread winner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Mummy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny– well, consider her as the working class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him the future.…

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Delusions of Grandeur

The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a “Lord Nelson.” The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similariy of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men…

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What did you say?

A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong: 1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. 2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep. 3. Gun wounds again? 4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin. 5. A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries. 6. Damn, I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken! 7. Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants. 8. Who gave you the nerve to…

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Wedding Day Revenge

This actually IS true. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it! Only in South Carolina!! Bitter sweet revenge. It’s about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them…

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The Good Book

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, “Preacher, I don’t believe the Bible mentions PMS.” The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and he would look for it. The following week after the service, the preacher called the…

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Paw, Git Out Here!

Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, “Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse.” He says, “All right, Maw.” He walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, Maw, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with this here outhouse!” Maw says, “Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole.” He puts his head down in the hole, and he says, “Maw, there…

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