Sid Jokes - page 53

Pulled Over

I heard about a young lady who was speeding, and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn’t have her seat belt on so, as soon as she stopped, she quickly yanked it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, “I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?” “Oh yes, I do, Officer,” she purred. “Well,” asked…

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How to read a film

Here are some film phrases to help you in your film viewing. Classic- A really boring movie that no-one likes. Ten Best- The 10 worst movies. (Usually Classics) Landmark- A really, REALLY boring movie. (Like 2001) New-Wave- The directors a lunatic, and no-one can make head or tail of the movie. Review- A biased analysis of a movie made by people who care about things like plot, theme and acting; things that have nothing to do with the enjoyment of…

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Cure for the Common Cough

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then, a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob’s warning, he sold the man a box…

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Newlyweds a-hunting

Joe and Ken always hunt together, but Ken gets married and is forced to bring his new bride along. Ken tells his wife to straighten out the cabin and fix lunch while he and Joe look for a good spot to hunt deer. They arrive on top of this big cliff and proceed to look for the best spot for their treestand. Joe tells Ken he can see the cabin; Ken says never mind that look for a good spot.…

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What an Arm!

Bill and Hillary were sitting in the bleachers, waiting for a baseball game to start. A row of secret service agents sat behind them and one leaned forward to whisper into Bill’s ear. Bill turned around, shrugged at the agent, then lifted Hillary by the scruff of the neck and the seat of the pants and tossed her out onto the field. The agent just shook his head and said “No, no Mr. President. I said ‘Throw out the first…

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breast enlargements

A woman went for a breast enlargement. The doctor said, “Which kind would you like? You have two options. One is silicone which is expensive. The other is a less expensive pill, but it is still in the experimental stages. There might be side effects.” She chose the pill which was much cheaper. The doctor told her to come back in three weeks for a check-up. When she went for her return visit, the doctor said, “Those pills really worked!…

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Concerned Father

A father was concerned about how his 7 year old son was becoming an habitual liar. He went to see a child psychiatrist and told him about the problem. After hearing all the father had to say, the doctor said,”Go home and tell your son the biggest lie that you can come up with. When he realizes how much of a lie you have just told him, it will break him of the habit.” So the man went home and…

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hey mom

One day there was a boy and he asked his mom, Mom how old are you? His mom said that is a question you don’t ask a laddy. When the ate dinner the boy asked , Mom how much do you weigh. The Mom said that is a question you don’t ask a laddy. When the Mom tucked the boy in he asked, her Mom why did you and dad get a divorce? Mom said because, just because. The next…

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‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT

‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT December 17, 1998 ‘Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House, All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse. The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care, In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair. The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds, While visions of perjury danced in their heads. And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap, Had just settled in for a…

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