Sid Jokes - page 42

State Visit

President Bush is representing the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated state visit to England. Air Force One stops at a bright red carpet along which the President strides to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeds through the streets of London en route to Buckingham Palace, the Queen and the President waving to the cheering throngs. Then suddenly the right rear horse produces…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeState Visit

Father Knows Best

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, “You say you’ve been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?” The wife replies, “It’s my husband — he’s driving me crazy! I’m going to leave him if he continues!” “How does he drive you crazy?” “For 20 years,” she says, “he’s been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he’s always looking at the…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeFather Knows Best

Escargot

A snail bought himself a snazzy fast car but took it in to get a more eye catching color. At the car paint shop, he asked that the car be painted neon yellow and have a large red ‘S’ printed on each side. Confused, the worker asked, “Why a big ‘S’?” Grinning, the snail replied, “When people see me drive past, they’ll notice and say, ‘Hey, look at that ‘S’ car go!’”

(4)Loading...

Read JokeEscargot

White house protest

One day, while President Clinton was at “work” in the oval office, a secret service agent comes in and says, “Mister Clinton , I’ve got bad news, good news, and worse news. The bad news is there is a protest outside for your resignation as president, the good news is there’s only one protester.” Clinton replies, “So what’s the really bad news?” The agent says, “It’s Gore sir.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeWhite house protest

The Divine Advantage

One day God, Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf. Jesus and Moses have both hit respectable 250+ yard drives on a par 4 with abundant water hazards. God takes his hit; lots of power in the stroke but he hooks badly, and the ball soars toward a deep pond. As it hits the surface, a trout rises beneath it to take a fly; the ball bounces off its head and deflects into the rough. A rabbit which…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Divine Advantage

Pulled over with cause…

An attorney was driving through the country side when his car failed him. He looked under the hood and knocked a few items around with a hammer. In the process, he knocked off a gas line and got his arm soaked with gas before getting it back on. Discouraged, he attempted to start his car. Much to his surprise, it started and he headed for the nearest town for a permanent repair. To celebrate his success, he lit up a…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokePulled over with cause…

The Nursing Home

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Nursing Home

The Mink Coat

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, “Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.” “No problem! I’ll write you a check!” “Very good, sir.” says…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Mink Coat

Drifting Off in Class

Sometimes, when I’m in class, I dream that I’m on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft, gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool, gentle breeze caressing my tanned body. I do all this while trying to forget I’m in a classroom. Of course, it would be so much easier if all my students weren’t waiting for…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDrifting Off in Class

Perfect Woman … Almost

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission, he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter, he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokePerfect Woman … Almost