Shoes Jokes - page 8

Viagra Copycats

With Viagra being such a hit, Pfizer is introducing a new line of drugs aimed at improving the performance of women in today’s society: DRIVEAGRA: One dose of this drug prior to leaving on a car trip will eliminate the woman’s constant compulsion to critique a man’s driving ability. Allows her to understand that she cannot drive from the passenger seat. MEMORAGRA: One tablet taken daily allowed 95% of women tested the ability to forget things their husbands said or…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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The Bear

Two men were walking in a forest when they suddenly see a bear ten feet away from them. One of the guys bent down and began to tie his shoes. “Are you crazy?” The other guy said. “Do you really think you can outrun a bear?” The guy replied, ” I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.”

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Top 10 signs you’re not in college anymore

10. Beers at lunch get you reprimanded. 9. College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress-up. 8. The 4 food groups are no longer beer, pizza, ramen and cereal. 7. Three Words: School Loan Payments. 6. Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’. 5. Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks. 4. You empathize with the characters from ‘Friends’. 3. Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog. 2. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. And the Number 1 Sign…

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What are you really saying

Mens Guide to what Women are really saying. —————————————- “We need” = “I want” “It’s your decision ” = “The correct decision should be obvious by now.” “Do what you want” = “You’ll pay for this later.” “We need to talk” = “I need to complain” “I’m not upset” = “Of course I’m upset, you moron!” “You’re so… manly” = “You need a shave and you sweat a lot.” “Be romantic, turn out the lights.” = “I have flabby thighs.”…

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If MEN planned weddings

There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part. The couple would leave the ceremony in…

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Loser Laws

NEW YORK It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. The penalty for jumping off a building is death. NEW JERSEY You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service only. In Ocean City, it is against the law to slurp your soup at a restaurant. CALIFORNIA It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Women may not drive in a house coat. FLORIDA It is illegal to…

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Claim Ticket

One day, George was cleaning out the attic and in one box, he found a claim ticket for a pair of shoes at the local shoe repair shop. What caught his attention was the date on the claim ticket which read June 30, 1989 – nearly ten years ago. Amused by his discovery, George went downstairs and showed the claim ticket to his wife Martha. Scrutinizing the piece of paper, Martha remarked, “Hmmm, I can’t recall if I had any…

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Just following directions

A student sits for an English examination. He solves the first two question. While solving the third question, he starts to remove his clothes. First his shoes, then his socks, then then his shirt and pants. Another student sitting behind him was disturbed by his behaviour. He asked him, “Hey! Why are you removing your clothes?” He replied, “That’s what the third question says.” The other boy asks, “What’s the third question?” He answers, “Answer in brief. “

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