She s all that Jokes - page 6

HOW blonde was she?

She was sooooooooooooooo blonde, She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. She thought a quarterback was a refund. She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order. She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. She thought General Motors was in the army. She thought “Meow Mix” was a CD for cats. She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. Under “education” on her job application,…

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The allure of Portia

Fred was walking down the street, when his best friend Joe pulled up in a brand new Porsche. “Where the hell did you get the Porsche?” Fred asked in disbelief. “Well,” Joe replied, “Last night I was at a bar and started dancing with this girl. When the bar closed, she motioned for me to follow her. We jump in her Porsche, and drive off into the mountains. She stops, jumps out of the car, takes off all her clothes,…

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He finally got it

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter, then started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, “You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving?” She answered herself by saying, “I bought it with the insurance money!” She then said, “Irving, remember that new car you promised me?” She answered again, saying,…

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Cajun Fishermen

Poo Poo Boudreaux and Poo Poo Thibodeaux were coming up in an inlet in the motor boat when they saw another boat loaded with fish. Seeing as how their luck had been awful today, Boudreaux asked the fisherman what his secret was. He said, “Jes go out to sea till the water she gets fresh. Den stop der and drop yer line.” Excited, Boudreaux fired up the motor and headed out to sea. When they got a little ways out,…

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Is That Really Necessary?

A woman is in her doctor’s office getting undressed for an examination. She turns to a naked blond lady sitting beside her and says, “I told the doctor I have a cold, and he told me to strip. Does that seem suspicious to you?” The naked blonde says, “Don’t ask me. I’m only here to fix the fax machine.”

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Golf Balls

An avid golfer goes to the local golf course to get in a couple hours of practice after work one day. He hits a large bucket of balls on the driving range, but still hasn’t corrected the slice he’s working on. Not having enough money to buy another bucket of balls and being all alone on the practice tee, he walks up the edge of the driving range picking up balls in the weeds and bushes so as not to…

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Finally Getting Married

There were two Jewish woman (Ruth and Golda) walking along the street. Ruth says to Golda, “My son, Irving, is finally getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but he thinks she may have a disease called herpes.” Golda says to Ruth, “Do you have any idea what this herpes is and can he catch it?” Ruth answers, “No, but I am so thrilled to hear about Irving’s engagement. It’s past time he’s settled. As…

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The 3 Wishes

One day, a man was walking down the street when he saw a genie lamp in a nearby alley. Excitedly, he picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and said, “I will grant you three wishes, Master!” The man was so happy, his first wish was, “I want 100 billion dollars!!!!!!” “Your wish has been granted, $100 billion is now in your bank account.” The man was even happier. “I want beautiful women!” “Your wish has been…

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Outboard Pushes Suburban

Driving on the highway, I watched a passing Chevy Suburban towing a boat with an outboard motor. The motor was obviously in neutral because the propeller was spinning like crazy from the slip-stream under the car. I turned to my wife, pointed to the boat, and said, tongue in cheek, “Look, that’s a great idea! Those Suburbans are heavy and burn a lot of gas, so this guy started his boat motor so the propeller will help PUSH him!” My…

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