Service man Jokes - page 7

Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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Air Force One Crashes

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.The Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President’s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field…

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Loser Laws

NEW YORK It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. The penalty for jumping off a building is death. NEW JERSEY You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service only. In Ocean City, it is against the law to slurp your soup at a restaurant. CALIFORNIA It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Women may not drive in a house coat. FLORIDA It is illegal to…

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Plaque Dedication

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names and had small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, “Good Morning, Alex.” “Good morning, Sir,” replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor, what…

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Johnny’s Tantrum

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by Little Johnny, who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, Little Johnny continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the…

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Walking Out

“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.” “I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied. “It’s not a reflection on you,” insisted the church goer. “Ralph has been been walking in his sleep since childhood.”

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POSSIBLE TITLES FOR LEWINSKY’S NEW BOOK:

I Suck At My Job What Really Goes Down In The White House How I Blew It In Washington You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President Clear and Present Boner Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule Going Back for Gore Podium Girl Secret Services to the President Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton Deep Inside The Oval Office The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions She’s Chief of…

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A Sweed in Chinatown

I was in Chinatown just the other day; walking around trying to find an ATM. Needless to say, I was utterly lost and all those signs around me in foreign languages were of no help. On top of everything, I was hurrying to escape the suffocating, foreign odors emanating from the numerous restaurants and alleys. I turned a corner hoping to catch a breath of fresh air when my eyes sighted a store sign that read “Hans Olafsen Laundry.” How…

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Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to inclement weather she decided to top at a nice hotel for the night. She approached the front desk and requested a room. “Certainly, Madam”, the clerk replied. “Is the coffee shop still open?” she asked. “No, Madam, I’m sorry,” he replied, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select dinner from this menu?” Mary graciously scanned the menu. “Yes, I think the cauliflower with cheese would be fine,…

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It’s A Bad Day When…

You receive a $300 bill from your tree surgeon and you live in an apartment. The plumber tells you it would be cheaper to install a diving board than to drain the cellar. You bear a striking resemblance to this week’s prime suspect on America’s Most Wanted. The Dialing for Dollars host quizzes you about the only John Wayne film you haven’t seen. Your heart medication has been replaced with sugar pills and a note that says “April fools!” You…

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