Sam sam Jokes - page 43

Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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Ant Hill

This hacker hit his drive out of bounds, and the ball came to rest in the middle of a large red ant bed. He figured he would hit it from that lie, so he took his stance, took a big swing, missed the ball and ants went flying everywhere. He tried again, and same as before, missed the ball and ants were flying in all directions. After the third gigantic swing and miss, one ant said to another one, “If…

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Tony & Leo

Two racehorses, Tony and Leo, always ran against each other in races. The results were always the same with Tony coming in first and Leo second. One day after losing again Leo says: “Hey Tony! How about next time you let me win? I’m tired of always coming in second.” To which Tony replies: “Well, okay, just this once.” The next day they line up at the gate, the guns goes and they are off. Leo is pouring his whole…

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The Forgetful Bartender

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Newfie were on shore leave from the Navy. They went into the bar and got completely drunk. The next morning, they awoke hung over and broke. The Englishman said, “I’m going to try something.” He went into the bar and ordered a double Scotch. The bartender brought him the drink and told him, “That’ll be two dollars.” The Englishman said, “I paid you already.” The bartender said, “No you didn’t.” The Englishman began screaming,…

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A Blonde In Las Vegas

A blonde took a trip to Las Vegas and decided too crash for the night. The quickly drove over to a Motel 6 and got a room. But as she was taking her luggage to her room she stopped in front of a vending machine, staring at it greedily. She quickly dropped her stuff and reached into her pocket to pull out her coins. She put the coins in the slot and pressed the button. A coke fell out of…

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Read JokeA Blonde In Las Vegas

What Price Wool?

Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman’s, pointed to a white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, “Hey, Sonny Boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?” “That dress is $899.95, Madam,” sneered the rather snotty salesman. “Oy! For $99.95, I could get the same dress at S. Klein’s downtown!” “But, Madam,” said the salesman, “You’ll find that the dress at Klein’s is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure…

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Millenium Vocabulary

The latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the Y2K office environment: * Seagull Manager – A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. * Salmon day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. * Chainsaw consultant – An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands. * CLM – Career…

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Read JokeMillenium Vocabulary

Here Comes The Judge! Here Comes The Judge!

Two opposing laywers in a big civil lawsuit are both called into Judge Judy’s chamber. Judge Judy looks sternly at both men and says, “Yesterday, Mr. Martin here gave me ten thousand dollars so that I can render the decision in his favor. That same afternoon Mr. Rowan here paid me a visit and gave me fifteen thousand dollars so that I will look at his cause more favorably.” Mr. Rowan and Mr. Martin are now squirming in their seats…

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Read JokeHere Comes The Judge! Here Comes The Judge!