S pie Jokes - page 26

writings on the cave wall

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance: 1. a woman 2. a donkey 3. a shovel 4. a fish 5. a Star of David They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum…

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10 cents

A man had a big dance comming up but the problem was he didn’t know how to dance. So he went to a dance studio. The instructor told him to pretend that there is a 10 cent piece on his right shoulder and that he must try to touch the coin with his earlobe in time to the music. So the guy went home and practiced this all week long. The next week the instructor told him to do the…

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Archeology

A team of archaeologists were working when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance. 1. A dog 2. A donkey 3. A shovel 4. A fish 5. A Star of David They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists…

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How to respond to e-mail ads….

You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…

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Know Your Priorities

A farmer was munching on a cookie, as he watches the rooster chase a hen around. Playfully, the farmer throws a piece of cookie to the ground. Seeing it, the rooster stops chasing the hen and runs to the piece of cookie. The farmer shakes his head slowly and says, “Gosh, I hope I never get THAT hungry.”

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Notre Dame Football Confession

Years ago the chaplain of the Notre Dame football team was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportmans-like manner at a recent football game. “I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents.” “Ahhh that’s a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin’,” the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across…

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Some selected Puns

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus, we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled. –=[|]=– A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back,…

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That’s Impossible!

Said John to Mary, “I’ll bet you a quarter I can kiss you on the lips without touching them.” “You’re crazy,” said Mary. “That’s impossible. Here’s a quarter that says you can’t.” The two coins were placed on the mantlepiece and John then enfolded Mary and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately and moistly. She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, “You did nothing BUT touch my lips.” John pushed the quarters toward her and said,…

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broken bottles

A young kid asks his dad if he can borrow the car for the night so his dad lets him have the car and tells him to be careful. About 4 hours later the kid comes home and has 3 flat tires and he is a bit upset. His dad asks what’s wrong so the kid shows his dad the tires. His dad examined the tires and pulled a piece of glass from a beer bottle out of one of…

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Read Jokebroken bottles