S pie Jokes - page 19

15 things not to say when you’re pulled over

15 Things NOT to Say When Youare Pulled Over 15. No, YOU assume the position. 14. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special! 13. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket? 12. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog. 11. No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph. 10. Back…

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A Reason for Parents’ Gray Hair

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?” “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice…

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Order Ahead

A sad-faced man came into the flower shop early one morning. I was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, but this time I guessed wrong. He wanted a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. “And what day will that be?” I asked. Glumly, he replied, “Yesterday.”

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Happy Announcement

The blonde had been married about a year when one day she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy. Not knowing exactly how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her. “Why are we so happy?” he asked. “Honey, I have some really great news for you!” she said. “Great!” he said. “Tell me what you’re so happy about.” She stopped jumping and was breathless from all the jumping up and down. “I’m pregnant!”…

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TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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wackiness in the workplace

“How to Keep the Wackiness Alive in the Modern Workplace, Part I” ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document. Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during he meeting. During the meeting, eat 5 entire raw potatoes. Insist that your e-mail address be “[email protected]” Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him/her…

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Illegal Lobster Fishing

After a day of fishing in the ocean, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden, who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters. They are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle, and these lobsters jump out, and I take them for a walk, only to return for them at the end…

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A TRUE Office Story

Several weeks ago we hired a blond who wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?” “Just use copier machine paper,” she told her. With that, the blond took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make FIVE BLANK COPIES.

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