Room sex Jokes - page 4

Man and Woman

A Perfect Day…

THE PERFECT DAY – FOR HER -8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses -8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday -8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents – expensive jewelery chosen by thoughtful partner -9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil -10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer -10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry -12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe -12.45 Catch sight of husband/ boyfriend’s…

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Yo Mama

SNAPS

Here’s one for the women: ADD a bed SUBTRACT your clothes DIVIDE your legs so we can MULTIPLY. Yo mama got more extensions than AT&T. Yo mama so fat her blood type is rocky road. Yo mama so old when Moses parted the Red Sea she was taking a swim. Yo family so black if they hold hands they look like a stretch limo. Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a phone company. Yo mama so fat…

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Wedding

Just Do It!

An escaped convict broke into a house. He tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom and then proceeded to search the rest of the home. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous wife, bound up on the bed with her shorty nightgown up around her waist, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex…

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Wedding

Late Night

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed too late and is in for trouble when he gets home. “No problem,” says his friend, “Do what I do to my wife. Sneak into the bedroom, crawl up under the blanket between her legs and do a little oral sex! She’ll forget all about being mad and fall right asleep.” So the guy gets home to a dark, quiet house. He creeps in…

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Politics

Forever punishment….

Bill Clinton went to sleep at his desk one afternoon and had a strange dream. In the dream, he died and went to hell. When he gets there, Satan greets him and tells him that he will be there for all eternity, but, because of the way he behaved on earth while living, he gets to choose the type of punishment he will receive. Satan escorts him around and they come to a room where Newt Gingrich is stretched out…

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Wedding

Wedding Day Revenge

This actually IS true. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it! Only in South Carolina!! Bitter sweet revenge. It’s about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them…

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Wedding

Love, Lust, Or Marriage

How do you know if you’re in love, lust, or marriage? LOVE — when your eyes meet across a crowded room LUST — when your tongues meet across a crowded room MARRIAGE — when your belt won’t meet around your waist, and you don’t care LOVE — when you argue over how many children to have LUST — when you argue over who gets the wet spot MARRIAGE — when you argue over money LOVE — when you share everything…

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Man and Woman

Insider’s Guide To The Male Vocabulary

“Haven’t I seen you before?” (“Nice ass!”) “I’m a Romantic.” (“I haven’t got a dime.”) “I need you.” (“My hand is tired.”) “I am different from all the other guys.” (“I’m not circumcised.”) “I want a commitment.” (“I’m sick of masturbation.”) “You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about.” (“You are the only girl who hasn’t rejected me.”) “I really want to get to know you better.” (“So I can tell my friends about it.”) “It’s just orange juice, try…

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Wedding

Gone Fishin’

A bellhop at a really nice resort takes a young couple up to the bridal suite, and drops off all their luggage. A short while later, he sees the groom heading out of the lobby, wearing waders and carrying a fishing rod and a tackle box. He is a little puzzled, so he goes over to the groom and says, “Excuse me sir, but shouldn’t you be upstairs making love to your wife?” The groom replies, “Well, I would, but…

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Blonde

TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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