Robe Jokes - page 5

Fall TV Schedule

Thursday’s Schedule for the new Fall Television season: NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30 Girlfriends 9:00 One Guy with Several Female Friends 9:30 My Gay Friends FOX 8:00 Real Humans in Real Pain 8:30 Feral Dingoes Eating Children on Tape 9:00 Jiggle It Beach 9:30 LA Chicks 10:00 Beverly Hills 90210: The 90,210th Episode UPN 8:00 The Unwatchables 8:30 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Ratings 9:00 Theoretically Existing Show 9:30 Praying For Syndication 10:00 The Last Thing You’d Ever Want To…

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Politics

Fast Bill

Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it’s quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying…

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Funny Stories

Punk Rocker

A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency room, when a female punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a Mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had an acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a tattoo reading: “Keep off the…

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Christian, Religious

Got an Eraser?

One morning, a gentleman boarded a plane headed for Rome. Within several minutes of finding his seat, a rumor began to circulate about the plane that the Pope would be on this very flight. Being Catholic, and therefore a rather large fan of the Holy Father, he of course hoped that the Pope’s seat would be in close proximity to his so that they might be able to converse on their way to the Holy City of Rome. No sooner…

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Religious

Fashion Statement

Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. Morris knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.” “Hey Joe,” Morris yells out, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” “Don’t make such a big deal out of it…it’s only an earring,” says Joe sheepishly. “No really,” probes Morris, “How long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found…

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Funny Stories

Headlines

Subject: 40 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by actual journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope…

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Heaven, Religious

Get ‘em outta here!

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together. “Oh, this is terrible,” exclaims St. Peter. “I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those rare coincidences that happen. Since we we’re not expecting you, your quarters just aren’t ready. We can’t take you in, and we can’t send you back” Then he got an idea. He…

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Religious

Honeymoon Pictures

On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. “Oh, oh, aaahhh,” he exclaims. “My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.” Puzzled she asks, “MY picture?” He answers, “Yes my…

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Man and Woman

The Difference Between Potential and Reality

Last week my son came up to me and asked me the difference between potential and reality. I told him to go to his mum and ask if she’d sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars, and then to go to his sister, and ask if she’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. He did just that. He went up to my wife and said, “Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million?” to which she…

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Funny Stories

No “R”s

Michael said to his friend Tom : Can you say this sentence without using any “R”s? : “Richard and Robert raped the rabbit.” After considerable thought, Tom finally said….”Dick and Bob fucked the bunny”.

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