Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
An old geezer was watching television when he screamed to his wife, “Get in here right now. You won’t believe the perverted thing they’re showing on TV.” His wife took one look, then said, “Put your glasses on, you old goat! That’s just Castro eating a banana.”
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There was this guy who found a lamp… yeah you know, he rubs it, a genie comes out, tells him he has three wishes….but you see, this genie said that whatever he wished for, his worst enemy would get twice that. (If he wished for a million dollars, his enemy would get two million) Well, the man’s enemy was his neighbor, Bill. So when the guy wished for a hundred beautiful women, Bill, of course, got two hundred women, even…
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“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her roommate. “Terrible!” answered the roommate. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.” “Wow! That’s a very expensive car! What’s so bad about that?” “He was the original owner.”
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Sister Mary Jane, a nun from a convent a block away from Jack’s liquor store, walked in and said,”Oh Jack, give me a pint o’ the brandy.” “Sister Mary Jane,” exclaimed Jack, “I can’t do that! I’ve never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!” “Oh Jack,” she responded, “it’s only for the Mother Superior.” Her voice dropped, “It cures constipation, you know.” So Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night, Jack closed the store and walked home.…
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12. “Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?” 11. “…that’s right, not even McGyver could fix it.” 10. “So — what are you wearing?” 9. “Duuuuuude! Bummer!” 8. “Looks like you’re gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap’n.” 7. “Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you’re with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you’re with the FTC.” 6. “We can fix this, but you’re gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.”…
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GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY OF THIS: 1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location. 2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing. 3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better…
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I just heard there’s going to be an extra scene included in the DVD release of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK coming up next year! Basically, it expands on the scene where Vader reveals his fatherhood to Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with the release of Episode 1… The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition ———————————————– INT: BESPIN GANTRY – MOMENTS LATER: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.…
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One day in school, Tommy’s teacher asked him some questions. “Tommy, do you see the green grass outside?” “Yes” Tommy said. “Do you see the tree outside?” “Yes.” “Now go outside. Then look up and see if you see the sky.” Tommy went outside, and looked up. He came back inside and the teacher continued to ask questions. “Tommy, did you see the sky?” “Yes.” “Did you see God?” “No.” “Then therefore God does not exist, right?” A little girl…
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Little Johnny was sitting in the class, Miss Jones asked him, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?” “None”, Johnny replies. The teacher, astonished, asked Johnny to explain “Well,” Little Johnny replies, “The sound of the gunshot will scare the other birds and they will fly away.” The teacher responded, “The correct answer is 4, but I appreciate your way of matured thinking, maybe you are right”. Little Johnny then…
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The newlyweds were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the big burly husband tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on”. She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I can’t wear your trousers”, she said. “That’s right”, said the husband, “and don’t you forget it. I’m the man and I wear the trousers in this family!” With that she flipped him her…
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