Monica’s new dress
Q: Did you know that Monica bought a new dress for the impeachment hearings? A: Bill Clinton spotted it right away.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Rig Jokes - page 18
It’s Tax Time!
A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So, he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. “Wear your worst clothing and an old pair of shoes. Let them think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice: “Don’t let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and an expensive tie.” Confused, the man went to his Minister, told him of the conflicting…
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Moronic bank robber
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” on the back of a deposit slip. While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that some-one had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street…
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The Drunk and the Nun
A drunk stumbles out of a bar and sees a nun walking down the sidewalk. He goes over and punches her in the face. The nun is shocked, but before she can do anything, he punches her again, and she falls down. He kicks her a few times, and then he picks her up and throws her against a wall. He puts his face right up to hers and says, “Not very fucking tough tonight, are you, Batman?”
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Lottery
A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. She goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies her ticket number. The blonde says, “I want my $20 million.” The man replied, “No, mam. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.” The blonde said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.” Again,…
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Please Don’t Laugh
A man goes to a doctor and says “Doc, I have a problem but you have to promise not to laugh.” “That would be totally unprofessional,” says the doctor, “of course I won’t laugh. I’ve been practicing medicine for twenty years and I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “All right,” says the man. He opens his fly, and the doctor is greeted with the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls down…
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Tips on Becoming a Serious Computer Gamer
Tips on becoming a serious Computer Gamer. -Written by residents of the Arizona mental health facility. 1. Ignore all family and friends: They will only get in the way. The computer is your friend, your mentor, and your leader. Try giving it a name, and draw a face on it for personality. 2. Become totally immersed in the world of games: When you can’t remember if your algebra homework was to finish page 30 in the book, or rescue the…
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Business Writing Tip
TODAY’S BUSINESS WRITING TIP: In writing proposals to prospective clients, be sure to clearly state the benefits they will receive: WRONG: “I sincerely believe that it is to your advantage to accept this proposal.” RIGHT: “I have photographs of you naked with a squirrel.”
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Layaway Plan
Customer: I won’t be able to pay for this suit for six months. Tailor: Oh, that’s all right, Sir. Customer: Thank you. When will the suit be ready? Tailor: In six months, Sir.
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Outhouse
A man was walking down a lonely country road when Mother Nature called. He rushed to the nearest house and asked if he could use their facilities. The owner said, “Sure, the outhouse is right over there.” After about 20 minutes, the owner became concerned that the passer-by had not yet come out of the outhouse. He knocked on the door and as it swung open, he noticed the passer-by bent over, reaching down into the two holer with a…
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