Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
For years I lived in places with no trees, so I was thrilled to move to a home in a forest. When a tree shoot began to grow next to our front path, I was delighted, and I pampered the sapling by fertilizing, watering, and offering tender loving care. Yet it appeared to weaken. I poured out more fertilizer, but it still struggled for life. I was baffled. One evening when my room mate and I arrived home, she yanked…
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No, really, I’m O.K. to drive… – I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I’m going with I’m not used to these darts… – I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I’m this bombed. Let’s go out to my car and get some cigarettes…(male to female) – You would look great face down in my lap. Want to check out my new car stereo? (male to female) – I have…
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Doctor Goldstein and his wife are having dinner at an upscale restaurant when an attractive young blonde walks by, smiles at the doctor, and says “Hi, Sammy.” “Who the hell is THAT?” asks Sammy’s wife. “That’s my mistress,” Dr. Goldstein replies. “You have a MISTRESS? How long has this been going on?” asks his wife. “About five years,” says the doctor. “Five years? I’ll see a lawyer tomorrow and start a divorce. I’ll ruin you.” “Wait just a minute, honey.…
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Several years ago, I returned home from a business trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 AM, I found my two children in bed with my wife, Stacey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the kids, explaining that it was “OK” to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad,…
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THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN: “Members of Congress…people of America…I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they’re a little older than I like and they…
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The Nice Guy 1. How do you typically look when you arrive to pick up your date? A. I wear my church clothes B. I like to dress up. Sometimes I bring a small present or flowers C. I dress casually unless I am very impressed with the woman D. I’m late, dress as I want, and if I bring anything it’s a sixpack of beer E. I take a knife 2.”Women are special.” Is this statement true? A. Yes,…
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And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. “OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and…
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This guy is walking through ChinaTown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign, “Hans Olafsen’s Laundry”. “Hans Olaffsen?”, he thinks. “How in the world does that fit in here?” So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor…
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God’s Human DNA Code For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism’s DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows: ===/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C)…
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An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path. Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. I don’t get even, I…
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