Red pen Jokes - page 43

Work vs Prison

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8’x10′ cubicle. At work you spend most of your time in a 6’x8′ cubicle. In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At…

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The Elevator

Upon graduation from high school in a very rural area, young John was to be escorted to “the big city” by ma and pa to scout out the location of the college he would be attending next year. Ma and Pa had never been to “the big city” either, but they were sure that they would be able to safely excort their precious son and help to answer any questions he might have-since everything in “the big city” would be…

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Snickers really satisfy…

This couple are just married and they go to their hotel suite. The groom is really pumped up. It’s his wedding night and he’s finally going to get some. They get to their room and he’s ready to pounce on his bride, having already stripped. She stops him and says she’s starving and would he run down to vending machine and get her a Snickers. He says, “But I’m already naked!” She says “Please I just know that I’ll be…

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The Frog Prince …… (revised even further)

A sad lonely Princess was walking through the forest contemplating her life when she suddenly stumbled upon a frog. After a few initial looks she scanned the woods to make sure that no one would see and leaning down she gave the frog a single kiss on the head. To her surprise a flash and a cloud of white smoke revealed the most handsome Prince she had ever laid her eyes on. Falling to her knees she implored the Prince,…

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Read JokeThe Frog Prince …… (revised even further)

Males Strike Back!!!!!!!!!!!

**How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open by the time she brings it! **Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you! **Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink! **How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?…

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Read JokeMales Strike Back!!!!!!!!!!!

God’s Human DNA

God’s Human DNA Code For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism’s DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows: ===/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C)…

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Parent/Teacher Conference

Note: This lightning-fast exchange REALLY HAPPENED! It occurred during a parent/teacher conference for our son, and it made some jaws drop. Sometimes a person gets lucky–and the PERFECT comeback shoots out of one’s mouth almost without thinking. 🙂 –> During a parent/teacher conference at our son’s school, his teacher solemnly informed us: “I’m sorry to say that Dylan is having problems with three-letter words in the book at school.” “But that’s impossible!” I heard myself quipping. “He knows every FOUR-LETTER…

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Slip of the Tongue

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?” The other guy says, “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with…

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The Princess and the Frog (revised)

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said: “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that…

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Read JokeThe Princess and the Frog (revised)

Why we fly

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make their announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…” “We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wings.” “Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person…

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Read JokeWhy we fly