Red ant Jokes - page 53

The Case of the Cigars

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case, I?ll be ruined.” “It?s in the judge?s hands now,” said the lawyer. “Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?” “Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn?t even smile at the…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThe Case of the Cigars

Lil’ Johnny on Politics

Lil’ Johnny goes up to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the bread winner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Mummy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny– well, consider her as the working class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him the future.…

(9)Loading...

Read JokeLil’ Johnny on Politics

Forever punishment….

Bill Clinton went to sleep at his desk one afternoon and had a strange dream. In the dream, he died and went to hell. When he gets there, Satan greets him and tells him that he will be there for all eternity, but, because of the way he behaved on earth while living, he gets to choose the type of punishment he will receive. Satan escorts him around and they come to a room where Newt Gingrich is stretched out…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeForever punishment….

Quality time with the family

There was this family of 3 brothers named Somebody, Nobody, Everybody, and their cousin Crazy. One night the four boys wanted to go out drinking at a bar. They all drank beer and were having fun. Everybody and Crazy had decided that they had all they wanted to drink. On the other hand, Somebody and Nobody still wanted to drink even though they were already drunk. As they continued to drink they started to say bad things to one another…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeQuality time with the family

What did you say?

A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong: 1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. 2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep. 3. Gun wounds again? 4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin. 5. A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries. 6. Damn, I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken! 7. Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants. 8. Who gave you the nerve to…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeWhat did you say?

Wedding Day Revenge

This actually IS true. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it! Only in South Carolina!! Bitter sweet revenge. It’s about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them…

(4)Loading...

Read JokeWedding Day Revenge

Ain’t So Boring After All

There were two men who had gone to the same college and had become great friends. During college, they had a great time together. They were always right in the middle of anything happening. When they graduated, however, they each went their own separate ways. Two or three years later, they ran into one another on the street. They were very happy to see each other. During the conversation, one of them asked the other what he was doing for…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeAin’t So Boring After All

The Crocodile Joke

This bloke comes in to a pub in the Northern Territory (Australia) with a four-meter salt-water crocodile on a steel chain. Naturally, the patrons are shit scared and jump up on what ever they can find. The publican comes over and says “Get that thing out of here!” The bloke replies “I can?t, he?s my pet!” The publican says, “Well tie him up outside!” The bloke says, “No way, he?ll get lonely! And besides he safe.” “Safe?” say the publican,…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThe Crocodile Joke

Herd of Cows

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “Macho,” and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: “Say, look at that bunch of cows.” The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ but ‘herd.’” “Heard what?” “Herd of cows.” “Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHerd of Cows

I’ve lost my memory

An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeI’ve lost my memory