Real man Jokes - page 5

Barbie And Ken’s Letters To Santa

Barbie’s Letter To Santa: Dear Santa: Listen, you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT’S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you…

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Rembrandt’s Self-Portrait Embarks on ‘Slow Tour’ of England, Offers Meditation Sessions Because Apparently We Forgot How to Look at Art

Rembrandt’s Self-Portrait Embarks on ‘Slow Tour’ of England, Offers Meditation Sessions Because Apparently We Forgot How to Look at Art. ? A National Trust-owned masterpiece is hitting the road, but not in a hurry! This isn’t your average gallery visit; prepare for a truly ‘lingering’ experience. The tour comes complete with a dedicated ‘meditation option’ for art lovers, presumably to guide them through the arduous task of simply looking at a painting. ? Because who needs to just appreciate art…

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Read JokeRembrandt’s Self-Portrait Embarks on ‘Slow Tour’ of England, Offers Meditation Sessions Because Apparently We Forgot How to Look at Art

Shut Up Sir!

shut up,manners and trouble walkin dong d street,den trouble gon 2 look 4 he self(look 4 trouble),a few mins. later shut up and manners realise dat trouble gone.so shut up tell manners lewwe go in d police station nah.so dey gone.shut up tell manners to stay outside d door,while shut gorn inside. d police say ”ok we’ll need to know yuh nam,son.” ”shut up,sir” shut up said.”boi doh tell me shut up,i want your name.”ok shut up,sir.” ”where yuh manners…

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Bridal Shower Joke

At a bridal shower, every guest was asked to introduce herself and explain how she met Kimberly, the bride-to-be. “I met Kimberly while dating her brother Bob,” the first young woman said. The second girl gave the same answer. The third woman said she was Bob’s current girlfriend. An older woman that was sitting next promptly said. “It’s nice to meet all of you,” she announced with a grin. “But I think I’d really rather meet Bob.”

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Trust Me, I’m a Doctor!

A few days before his proctologic exam, a one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for awhile, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor’s office, the man followed the doctor’s instructions, undressed and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man’s rear was that glass eye staring right back at him! Taken aback, the doctor said, “You know, you really must…

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No Ears

Three men were driving through the country when their truck broke down. It was bad weather and they had no place to go. Of course the farmer came along and said they could spend the night with him under one condition. He had a son who had no ears and got very upset if anything was said about it. Later that evening at dinner one of the men kept staring at the boy. The boy, getting upset, asks “What are…

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Geez! I’m Tired

One fellow walks up to another and says “Say, how are you doing?” The other chap says “Geez, I’m really tired”. The other man says, “Really, how come?” “Well, my girlfriend and I agreed that we won’t go to bed angry at each other”. The other chap says “so?” “…I’ve been up since Tuesday”….”

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Woods

This pedophile was bringing a kid into the woods. The woods were dark and dreary and full of sounds . The kid got scared and looked up to the man and said, “All these noises and sounds are really scary!” The guy looks back at the kid and says, “It’s ok for you, but I’ve got to come back this way on my own.”

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Too Stupid

This is the actual telephone dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee: “Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?” “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.” “What sort of trouble?” “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.” “Went away?” “They disappeared.” “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?” “Nothing.” “Nothing?” “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.” “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get…

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The 12 days of christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…

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