Reaches Jokes - page 3

Feeling Like a Woman

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of relationships in my life, but…

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go home

A man leaves home and goes straight, makes a left turn, goes straight, makes another left. Then again goes straight, makes yet another left and goes straight, reaches home. He confronts two men in masks. Who are they? ANSWER:The catcher and the umpire.

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Eye exam for a blonde

A dumb blonde goes to an optometrist for an eye exam. The optometrist tells her to sit down and unbutton her blouse. As she does, he reaches and grabs her right breast and asks if she can see what he is doing. She looks down and tells him no. He then reaches over and grabs her left breast and asks the same question receiving the same answer. He then takes out his penis and asks her if she can see…

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Clinton at the Diner

President Clinton walks into a restaurant and is seated in one of the booths. All the waitresses are knock-down gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit comes to his table. “What would you like, Mr. President?” Clinton looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers: “A quickie.” The waitress stomps off in total disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again: “What…

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Two Blondes Find a Compact

Two blondes were walking down the sidewalk, when one of them spots a compact lying by the curb. She opens the compact and looks at the mirror and exclaims to her friend “Hey, this girl looks familiar!” Her friend reaches over, looks in the mirror and says, “You dumb shit! It’s me!”

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The manhole

There was a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover saying “49, 49, 49, 49!” A dumb blond walks up to him and asks, “What are you doing?” He says, “I’m exercising.” She asks, “Can I try?” “Sure.” She gets on the manhole and does the same thing. “49, 49, 49, 49!” The man reaches under her and SNATCHES the cover out from under her, she falls in. He puts the cover back on and jumps up and…

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Another Old Cigar

This drunken old yahoo staggers into a bar with a frightened look on his face. “I need a drink right away!” The bartender asked what was wrong and the drunk explained, “I was on the street corner ‘paddling the pickle’ when a truck came by, grazed it, and knocked it out of my hand.” The bartender couldn’t beleive what he was hearing but the drunk swore it was true. “You see,” the drunk slurred, “I found it laying by the…

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mop bucket

There was this guy who walked into a bar and he told the bartender,”bartender give me a couple of beers” so the bartender gave him a couple of beers,after the guy drank the beers he went to the bathroom and started to scream he then came back and asked for a few more beers and like before he went to the bathroom and started to scream and when he came back the bartender asked,”why do you keep screaming when you…

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Help “the Juice”!

A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles. As he reaches downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all directions. After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to people through their car windows. When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says, “Hey!…

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GATOR WRASSLIN’

In the everglades of Florida, there is an alligator wrestling demonstration going on. The guy is doing his thing with the alligator, the normal stuff you would see like opening the gator’s mouth and placing his inside, putting the gator in a headlock, flipping the gator, etc… Once he is done with this, he turns to the crowd and drops his pants and his underwear. He then reaches into a small wading pool next to him and pulls out a…

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