Rain one Jokes - page 15

The Bill of NO RIGHTS

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole…

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Clean Floor

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay, I looked from his muddy boots to my newly-scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down some newspapers for you.” “That’s all right, Lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”

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Titanic Video vs. Clinton Video

When watching the Clinton video, did you get the feeling of “deja vu”…..of watching something that you had just seen in a similar structure??? Well your brain never fails…….By reading below, you will see the remarkable similarities between the Clinton Video and the Titanic Video. Was this just by coincidence or much more? I will let you be the judge………. TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet. CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet. TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long. CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3…

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SNAPS

Here’s one for the women: ADD a bed SUBTRACT your clothes DIVIDE your legs so we can MULTIPLY. Yo mama got more extensions than AT&T. Yo mama so fat her blood type is rocky road. Yo mama so old when Moses parted the Red Sea she was taking a swim. Yo family so black if they hold hands they look like a stretch limo. Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a phone company. Yo mama so fat…

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Life stinks, when….

A black cat crosses your path and drops dead. You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife. The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm. Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft. You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment. Your children’s school calls to surrender. The bride’s family throws rocks instead of rice. Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map. Your plants…

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Sadam

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common? A: They both want to know where the hell all those Tomahawks are coming from! Q: What is the best Iraqi job? A: Foreign Ambassador Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off. Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo? A: B-52…F-16…B-2 Q: What is Iraq’s national bird? A: Duck Q: What’s…

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If your mom was here

A dad and his newly married daughter are on a train. Suddenly, a group of bandits jumps on board demanding, “Give us all your money, bags, jewelry — everything valuable!!” Everyone gives up all their things and they move on to the next car. The father looks over at his daughter and she is putting on her wedding ring. He asks, “Where did you hide that?” She says, “In my mouth.” The dad exclaims, “I wish your mother were here…

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Stages for men and women

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 tongue…

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Everything is fine in time…

There once was a man named Tom who was going out with a woman named Lorraine. He thought Lorraine was THE one. They had been going out for years and he was thinking of finally proposing. Tom was also the head of a company and one day his personal secretary of many years quit because of family issues. Tom was upset but contacted an agency to find his a suitable replacement. Immediatly they found one, named Clearly, and she was…

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Sayings that should be on BUTTONS

01. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 02. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. 03. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? 04. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth. 05. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after. 06. Do I look like a fricking people person? 07. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. 08. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 09.…

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