Ra ra ra Jokes - page 355

The Elephant Escaped!

One day, there was a woman cooking breakfast and listening to the radio. All of the sudden a voice breaks in and says, “A circus train was going through town when it wrecked and all the animals escaped. If you see one of them, please contact the police department immediately.” Well, she didn’t think anything about it and went on with her morning. A little later, she was washing the dishes and looked out the window and there was an…

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I Like Monkeys

I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in…

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Greeting Card Ideas Rejected By Hallmark

ENCOURAGEMENT So your daughter’s a hooker And spoiled your day. Look on the bright side, It’s excellent pay. APOLOGY My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. I looked at the tire, Sorry about your cat. GET WELL You had your bladder removed and you’re on the mends. Here’s a floral bouquet and a box of Depends. COMING OUT You’ve announced that you’re gay, Won’t that be a laugh ‘Cause you’re the new Head of the Joint Chiefs of…

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Read JokeGreeting Card Ideas Rejected By Hallmark

ON THE BUS

A beautiful young woman, looking quite disheveled, got onto a crowded bus. There was only standing room and she settled on a hang-strap in front of a young man facing her. As the bus started to move, the young woman looked down at the young man and said “Excuse me, sir, I’m pregnant. Would you mind letting me sit down?” “Of course not” said the young gentleman, jumping up. “Please have a seat.” She was so pretty and had such…

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Hearing Things

Old man Murray goes to the doctor with a very worried look on his face. “Doctor,” he says, “You’ve got to help me. Do you remember those voices in my head I always complain about?” “Yes,” the doctor replies. “Well, they’ve suddenly gone away,” Murray says. “So, what’s the problem?” “I think I’m going deaf.”

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Monica’s new job

Monica Lewinsky got a new job with Coca-Cola, as a packager and taste-tester. To commemorate her new position (which wasn’t on her knees), she bought a new dress for her Mother and both of them went down to the Potomac River, to celebrate. While there, the two of them had an argument and Monica actually tried to drown her Mother in the Potomac River. When a police officer showed up to rescue Monica’s Mother, Monica punched him in the mouth.…

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Read JokeMonica’s new job

Another white baby

A newfie and a black man were both admiring their newborn babies at the hospital nursery. The newfie looks at the black guy and says, “Can I ask you a question?” The black guy says sure so the newfie says, “This is our 2nd child. We really want a black child but they keep turning out white.” The black guy looks at the white newfie and says, “So what is your question?” Newfie says, “Well what are we doing wrong?”…

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Senior Discount

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be $6.00 per person. “However, if you’re over 65,” he said, “the price will be only $5.50.” From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out, “Do you really think I’d give you that information to save 50 cents?

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Teed Off

There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first. The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To…

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Read JokeTeed Off