Ra ra ra Jokes - page 344

HOW MUCH ARE YOU WORTH?

The man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door. “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” “Yeah, sure, what is it?” replied the man. “Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?” “That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily. “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded…

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Psalms 23

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23d Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase, “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life . . .” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny?” the pastor asked. “Well,” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time.”

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Military

The pentagon recently found it had too many Generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any General who retired straight away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000.00 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring General’s body between two points he chose. (Something Congress came up with!) The first General accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out…

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3 Nuns

There were these three nuns and they were trying to get into heaven. So God appeared and said, “Answer this question correctly, and I’ll let you in.” So he asked the first nun, “Who was the first man on earth?” The nun said, “Adam” So God said, “Bamm! You’re in heaven.” So he asked the second nun, “Who was the first woman on earth?” And she said, “Eve!” So God said, “Bamm! You’re in heaven.” Finally it was the third…

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frog noise

A brother and sister were sitting at home with nothing to do. The brother went up to his grandpa and said, “Please grandpa, make a frog noise.” “No, I will not make a frog noise!” “Please grandpa please make a frog noise!” “No! I will not make a frog noise.” The brother goes back to his sister and says, go tell grandpa to make a frog noise. So the little girl goes up to her grandpa and says, “Please grandpa…

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Reverse Psychology

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for awhile?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I WON’T sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and…

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Y to K

Blonde secretary’s memo to her boss: To: My Boss From: Blondie Subject: Changing calenders from Y2K I hope that I haven’t misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. Atany rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months: Januark Februark…

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