Ra ra ra Jokes - page 284

Pictures mailed home

A man at a nudist camp got a letter from his mother asking for a picture. Since the only pictures he had were taken in the nude, he cut one in half and mailed her the part showing him only from the waist up. His mom wrote back after receiving the photograph and said, “Thanks for the picture. Can your grandma have one too?” The guy thought, “Since grandma can’t see well, I’ll just give her the bottom half,” and…

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lucky!

A guy is strolling down the street in Chicago where he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies “I’ve always wanted to be lucky.” The genie grants his wish. So off the guy strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 dollars on the sidewalk. Not a bad start he thinks. As he…

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What If…

Ever wonder what it would be like if President Clinton had been born an American Indian Chief? He would most probably be known by the whole Indian tribe as “Chief Crazy Pants.” And his intern? She would most likely be some young Indian maiden named “Kneeling Fox.”

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Moose Jaw

Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, “This little plane won’t lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals – you’ll have to leave one. We’d never make it over the trees on the take off.” “That’s baloney”, says one of the…

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FREE BEER

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender: “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove…

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Observation

Today’s woman puts on wigs, fake eyelashes, false fingernails, sixteen pounds of assorted make-up/shadows/blushes/creams, living bras, various pads that would make a linebacker envious, has implants and assorted other surgeries, then complains that she cannot find a “real” man.

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What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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Dream Interpretation

Three men had gotten drunk one night, and they all somehow ended up naked in the same bed. They woke up the next morning confused, but the guy on the end, obviously still half-asleep, began to talk. “I had the best dream last night. I was making love to this gorgeous woman all night long. It was just awesome.” He began to go through the details, explaining what they did and what it was like. “Say,” he started, “What did…

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Strudel

An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: “I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother’s strudel.” “No, Grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother…

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The Golfer

A employee was playing golf with his boss for a large bet, and had been waiting for a number of weeks for the game. He set himself up on the first tee and then on the nearby road a funeral went past, and so he took his hat off and bowed his head. His boss was suprised that his employee showed such a Christian side to himself especially as he was playing for a large bet. “That was kind of…

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