Ra ra ra Jokes - page 270

Funny Stories

The Untold Quasimodo Story

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job. The bishop…

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Ethnic Cultural

A Tennessean Moves to New York

January 10: It’s 5pm. It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in many years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so pristine and beautiful. Things could not be any better. January 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a…

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Irish, Medical

Irish Bloke and the Doctor

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor: “Dactor, it’s me ahrse. I’d loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot”. So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. “Incredible”. he says, “there is a $20 note lodged up here”. Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man’s bottom, and then a $10 note appears. “This is amazing” exclaims the Doctor “What do you want me to do?” “Well fur gadness sake teyhk it…

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Office

My Helicopter Is Lost

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter’s window. The pilot’s sign said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly…

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Wedding

Keeping Pure

A man always sees a beautiful woman in a bar every night but he’s just too shy to talk to her. After 2 weeks he finally works up enough courage to make his move. “No, thank you,” she says politely, “This is going to sound rather old-fashioned, but I’m keeping myself pure until I find the right guy.” “That must be hard,” said the man. “Oh I don’t mind,” said the woman, “but my husband doesn’t like it much.”

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Funny Stories

Polly Wolly Spit Shine Boots

Jack bought a pair of polly wolly spit shine boots. So Jack went to a dance and asked Cindy to dance. She said yes, and Jack said “I bet your wearing purple underwear. She said, “How did you know?” “I just looked at my polly wolly spit shine boots,” said Jack. Then he asked Mindy to dance, and he said, “I bet your wearing red underwear.” She asked how he knew. He said, “I just looked at my polly wolly…

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Wedding

The Lord’s on my Side

An elderly couple goes for their annual physical. The man is checked out first and the Dr. replies, “Mr. Smith you’re in remarkable health for a man your age.” “I’m not surprised,” answers Mr. Smith, “I’ve got the Lord on my side.” “How do you mean,” asks the doc, beginning to wonder about senility. “Well just last night,” begins the old guy, “I had to pee in the middle of the night and the Lord turned on the bathroom light…

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Funny Stories

Have you heard about….

…CCA Prison Realty Trust? They’re buying Corrections Corp. of America in a $3.17 billion deal that will create the world’s largest penitentiary business. The merged entity will market its product under the more user-friendly name, “Motel 6-to-Life.” …Patrizia Martinelli, ex-wife of fashion heir Maurizio Gucci? She was convicted of ordering her husband’s murder and was sentenced to 29 years in prison. Most agree this is a tremendous price for a Gucci knockoff. …McDonald’s? They have a new series of TV…

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Religious

Religion Lesson

At the end of the year, a catechist teacher decides to test her kindergarten class by asking them to draw a picture of a story of the Bible. Soon the kids were hard at work. The teacher came to little Charlie’s desk and paused. Charlie had drawn an airplane with three little stick figures visible from the windows. Bewildered, the teacher asked Charlie to explain his picture. Eagerly, he explained, “Well, you see, this is a picture of the Flight…

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Man and Woman

DATING DICTIONARY

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of time, money, and effort to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like at present and will learn to lake a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man. EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women…

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