Ra ra ra Jokes - page 252

mop bucket

There was this guy who walked into a bar and he told the bartender,”bartender give me a couple of beers” so the bartender gave him a couple of beers,after the guy drank the beers he went to the bathroom and started to scream he then came back and asked for a few more beers and like before he went to the bathroom and started to scream and when he came back the bartender asked,”why do you keep screaming when you…

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The Perfect Team

The Raiders Al Davis had finally put together the perfect Raiders team for ?98. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn?t find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super bowl win. Then one night, watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly…

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Help “the Juice”!

A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles. As he reaches downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all directions. After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to people through their car windows. When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says, “Hey!…

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Horror Scopes

ARIES You tend to be a headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don’t give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn’t care less. You’re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding. TAURUS Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you’re bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss. GEMINI Your star sign denotes an air of duality in…

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Ask Your Doctor About…

Now that Viagra has become one of the top prescriptions, you should ask your doctor about: Mixing Viagra with Prozac – that way, if you don’t get laid, you don’t get upset Mixing Viagra with herbal Ginko Biloba – that way, if you get laid, you won’t forget Nasal Spray Viagra – this method is only for Dickheads Don’t mix Viagra with Rogaine – you’ll turn into Don King

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Name Dropping

The policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, “I’m Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee.” The cop put away his summons book and pen and said, “Well…OK…have a nice visit, but don’t let me catch you speeding again.”

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Party Pooper

During a rather rowdy party, one unattached female guest kept disappearing into a back bedroom with one man after another, including the host. This did not go unnoticed by the host’s wife, who was quietly smoldering, but kept her composure, so as not to ruin the party. It was still fairly early when “Miss Willing” approached the hostess, looking somewhat frazzled and rumpled. “I’m sorry to rush off,” she exclaimed, “but I don’t feel too well.” “Of course, I understand,…

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Oops, wrong number!

In this particular branch of the Army’s officer training school, the instructor was returning tests to the trainees. The students identified their work by the last four digits of their Social Security numbers. In the early hours of the morning, the instructor was calling out the numbers. “Four-seven-seven-zero?” he asked. “Here,” replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the paper, though, he realized he had mistakenly taken the wrong paper. “Seven-zero-seven-five?” asked the instructor. “Here,” repeated the student, gearing for trouble. “I…

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Who REALLY Invented the Internet

An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says… And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to…

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