Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A transcript from the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute: Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press…
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General Mark W. Clark, noted for his service during World War II in Europe, Africa and the Far East, was once asked what was the best advice he had ever been given. “To marry the girl I did,” he replied. “And who gave you that advice?” was the next question. “She did,” said the general.
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A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of them one thousand dollars. The first girl went for a complete hair and face makeover, new clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look saying, “I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why? Because I love you dear!” The second girl returned with new hockey and golf…
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1 – My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is. 2 – The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 3 – I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. 4 – I have to exercise early in the morning before my…
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John walks into a pharmacy and asks for a bottle of viagra. The pharmacist says, “Do you have a prescription?” John says, “No, but here’s a picture of my wife.”
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Arriving for her artificial insemination, Mrs. Aldiss was surprised when the attendant locked the door behind them and began taking off his clothes. “And just what do you think you’re doing?” she demanded. “Sorry,” said the young man, “but we’re all out of the bottled stuff. I’ve got to give you draft.”
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There were these two guys in a bar, and after they had gotten drunk and after a few hours of being there, one of them saw a very attractive girl walk in. He asks the other guy, “Why don’t you ask her to dance?” So he went and asked her to dance, and she said, “No, I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.” The guy comes back, depressed, so his fried asked, “What happened, did she say…
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Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “Hey, Moe!” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result…
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I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that… Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole* minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one. Section 1.01 And it’ll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like “So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!” and howling like a cat…
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There was a fire one night at a convent, and several retired nuns who lived on the fourth floor were trapped up there. They were praying for the Lord to show them a way out of the fire when one of the sisters screamed, “We need to take off our robes, tie them together and climb down to safety.” Later, as they were recounting their narrow escape to reporters, they were asked if they had been afraid that the crude…
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