Ra ra ra Jokes - page 128

Pass it on!

I hope this makes sense for everyone on the need for clear and crisp communication and see the errors inherent in indirect communication. Hope we will be better communicators after we read this. ==================================== From : Managing Director To : Executive Director “Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o’clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday. So let the work-force line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark…

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Proverbs for the Year 2000

1. Home is where you hang your @. 2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach an old mouse new clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7. C:\ is the root of all directories. 8. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice. 9. Pentium wise, pen…

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10 Ways to Annoy People

01. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper. 02. In the memo field of all your checks write “for sensual massage.” 03. Specify that your drivethrough order is “to go.” 04. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.” 05. Reply to everything someone says with, “that’s what YOU think.” 06. Finish all your sentences with the words, “in accordance with prophecy.” 07. Signal…

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Musings of the Elderly

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than ten years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m four and a half.” You’re never 36 and a half….you’re four and a half going on 5. You get into your teens; now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. “How old are you?”…

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Getting Lost

So it seems that this reporter goes to Armenia to write articles about the people and their land. He meets an old man in a secluded village, and over a cup of the local brew asks him about the memorable events of his life. After a bit of thought, the old man says, “Well, there was this time my donkey got lost, so me and my neighbors got some vodka and went looking for it. We looked and looked, all…

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Those Red Shoes

One evening a man drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant for dinner. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his…

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In recent news… Discovery…

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists…

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Saint Peter and the Golfer

A guy by the name of George died and found himself waiting to be let into Heaven. As George stepped up the gates Saint Peter asked him his name. George answered and Saint Peter ran his finger down the list. “I’m sorry, you’re not on the list. I’m afraid I can’t let you in.” “There must be some mistake. I’ve lived a very decent life on Earth. The only thing that I’ve done wrong was cuss the other day on…

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Horoscope Horror

Your Horoscope AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 ? Feb. 18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same stupid mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. PISCES: Feb. 19 ? Mar. 20 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people you resent you for flaunting…

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Bed and Breakfast

This guy and his newlywed wife go to the Hilton for their honeymoon night. At the front desk, they check in and the receptionist gives the groom the key to the bridal suite. Just then he says to the groom, “Sir, It is now 6 o’ clock, dinner will be served from 7:30 onwards.” The groom looks at him and says, “Thank you, but we won’t be needing any” and off he and his bride go to the room. The…

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