Ra ra ra Jokes - page 12

True Story from Australia

This is a notice in the mens’ room in my university. University of Tasmania – Office of Occupational Health and Safety: PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE To avoid injury to fingers, please press flush button with flat of hand. In event of finger becoming stuck in tube, call loudly for assistance. Rescuers should obtain a key to enter cleaner’s store, between Ladies’ and Gents’ lavatories. Fingers can then be pushed back from there. This method is also applicable to free the flush button,…

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This Crazy English Language

The English language is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And…

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A Prayer for a Baby

At church service one night, the congregation held a special prayer service for a lady that was having complications with her pregnancy. She was told that she was to have the baby later that evening. At the end of the service, one of our teenagers led the closing prayer. In the prayer, he said this: “… please be with the family that is having complications with their pregnancy. We pray that everything will come out alright….” You could almost feel…

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Insurance Company

Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Patti, called the insurance company. Patti spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.” The agent replied, “Whoa, there, just a minute! Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.” There was a long pause, and then Patti replied, “If…

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Read JokeInsurance Company

Cataracts

A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of vision loss. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with your eyes. You have Cataracts,” the doctor says. “No,” says the Chinese man, “I have a Rincoln Continental!”

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A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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They decorated it!

Apparently a Minuteman missle crew has painted the massive concrete door atop one of their ICBM silos to look like a pizza box. It has the logo: “Delivery anywhere in the world within thirty minutes, or the second one’s free.”

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Fractured Fables The Programmer and the Frog

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and…

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Read JokeFractured Fables The Programmer and the Frog