Quiet day Jokes - page 5

Self Control

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.” He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little…

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Little Johnny Wants a Watch

Little Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing. “Did you get that for your birthday?” he asked. “Nope,” Jimmy replied. “Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Little Johnny asked. “Nope.” “You didn’t steal it, did you?” “No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.”…

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Later, Johnny

Little Johnny went home early from school and started calling his mother and got no answer. He finally went upstairs and saw the bedroom door open a crack. When he peeked in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid, so he quietly went outside and waited for his mother. When she showed up with some groceries, he said, “Mommy, Mommy, guess what I saw? I saw Daddy upstairs on the bed with the maid and they were…

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HOW MUCH ARE YOU WORTH?

The man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door. “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” “Yeah, sure, what is it?” replied the man. “Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?” “That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily. “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded…

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Psalms 23

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23d Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase, “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life . . .” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny?” the pastor asked. “Well,” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time.”

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Jury Duty

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused. She said she didn’t believe in capital punishment and didn’t want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. The public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. “Madam,” he explained, “this is not a murder trial! It’s a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case…

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Bottom of the Ninth

There was a strange performance at the LA Philarmonic the other day… It was Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, and it was dedicated to Sammy Sosa… He and his wife got a standing ovation as they took their front-row seats… As the orchestra began to play, the Base players, who don’t have any part until an hour into the Symphony, began to get bored…they held a whispered conversation, and decided to slip quietly out to the Lobby for a few drinks…so they…

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