Psycho Jokes - page 3

What are you really saying

Mens Guide to what Women are really saying. —————————————- “We need” = “I want” “It’s your decision ” = “The correct decision should be obvious by now.” “Do what you want” = “You’ll pay for this later.” “We need to talk” = “I need to complain” “I’m not upset” = “Of course I’m upset, you moron!” “You’re so… manly” = “You need a shave and you sweat a lot.” “Be romantic, turn out the lights.” = “I have flabby thighs.”…

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Horoscopes for Southerners

It has become pretty obvious to me that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I’m out driving around I’ll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I’ll even see a ram. Up the street from me there’s some twins, but I don’t see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions, or scorpions,…

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Van Gogh Family Tree

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were: His obnoxious brother………………………….Please Gogh His dizzy aunt ……………………………….Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes……………………..Gotta Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store…….Stopn Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia…………………U Gogh The brother who bleached his clothes white……….Hue Gogh The cousin from Illinois……………………….Chica Gogh His magician uncle…………………………….Wherediddy Gogh His Mexican cousin…………………………….Amee Gogh The Mexican cousin’s American half brother……….Grin Gogh The nephew who…

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Breast Obsessed

A middle-aged man had an obsession with women’s breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem. “I am going to do a word association test, explained the doctor. I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that comes into your mind.” “Oranges,” said the doctor. “Breasts,” replied the patient. “Apples.” “Breasts.” “Watermelons.” “Breasts.” “Windshield wipers.” “Breasts,” said the patient, with the same reply. “Wait a minute! I can…

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MORE ‘Male Bashing’ Q&A

Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it’s never used. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man, than for a women? Because when it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini. What’s the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature. How many men…

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