Pot Jokes - page 15

Why Cucumbers are Better than Men

The average cucumber is at least six inches long Cucumbers stay hard for a week A Cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count Cucumbers don’t get too excited A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety Cucumbers are easy to pick up You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket…and you know how firm it is before you take one home Cucumbers can get away any weekend With a Cucumber you can get a single room…and you won’t have to check…

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morals

One day the teacher is explaining to her class about morals. She tells them about how her grandfather would raise chickens and that each morning, he would go out, gather the eggs, put them into cartons and carry them to the supermarket to sale. One day he ran out of cartons, so he put all his eggs into a basket, put the basket onto the back of his truck, and headed into town. Along the way, he hit a pothole,…

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Engines

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon, Dr. Michael DeBakey, standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager. Morris, one of those loud mouths, shouted across the garage, “Hey, DeBakey…Is dat you? Come over here a minute.” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car. Morris in a loud voice, so all could hear, said argumentatively, “So, Mr.…

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Soap Opera

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times! ——————- Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are…

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Newlyweds a-hunting

Joe and Ken always hunt together, but Ken gets married and is forced to bring his new bride along. Ken tells his wife to straighten out the cabin and fix lunch while he and Joe look for a good spot to hunt deer. They arrive on top of this big cliff and proceed to look for the best spot for their treestand. Joe tells Ken he can see the cabin; Ken says never mind that look for a good spot.…

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Why…

Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the…

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bigger isn’t always better…

Jason was a strapping handsome seventeen-year-old guy who was short-changed in the brains and equipment departments. His sister Tracy was sixteen and lacked nothing in either department, so he depended on her for advice. One day in the kitchen when the rest of the family was still asleep, he said to her, “I was at the beach yesterday and I got the feeling that a lot of girls were whispering and giggling about me. Why would they do that?” “Well,…

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naked in the rain

There was a young couple who had driven their car up to a secluded spot that overlooked the city. They made out and eventually ended up naked in the back seat of the car. It began to rain in sheets. The man said to the lady, “We should probably go before this storm gets too bad.” They climbed into the front seat and started the car. When he pushed on the gas the tires just spun and the car didn’t…

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‘While you’ve been away…’

Coming back from a month-long business trip to Asia, a wealthy businessman arrived at the airport where he was fetched by his chauffeur named Jim. On the long drive home, the businessman inquired, “So, Jim, has anything happened while I was away?” Jim replied, “No, sir. I can’t think of anything at all worth mentioning.” The businessman said, “Come now, Jim. I have been away for almost a month. Surely something must have happened in all that time.” Thinking for…

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TECHNIQUES ON BEING AN EFFECTIVE EMPLOYEE

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they?re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they?re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.…

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