Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying: “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” “Yep, that’s him,” he replied. The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you…
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1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings…they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation. 3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. 4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. 5. Artificial Intelligence is…
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Police arrested Charles Brown, a 27 year old white male, resident of Wimbelton, in the pumpkin patch at 11:38 PM Friday. Charles will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the county court house on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing the pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was nobody around here for miles. At least I thought there…
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LOG ON: makin’ da vood stove hotter LOG OFF: don’t add no vood MONITOR : keep a eye on da vood stove MEGAHERTZ: vhen a big log drops on your barefoot in da morning FLOPPY DISK: vhat you get from piling too much vood RAM: da hydraulic t’ing dat makes da voodsplitter vork DRIVE: gettin’ home during most of da vinter PROMPT: vhat ya vish da mail vas during da snow season ENTER: come on in WINDOWS: vhat ya shut…
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In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone who occasionally has a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a telephone call that I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and may I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on…
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Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27-year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm one Friday. Davidson was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least, I thought there wasn’t,” he…
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After receiving a message to call Evan at my bank, I did so. The operator asked me what Evan’s last name was, and I explained that he hadn’t left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I didn’t know that either. In a rather exasperated tone, she said rather curtly, “Sir, there are 1500 employees in this building!” After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for HER name. “Danielle,” she said. “And your last name?”…
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A widow, recently married to a widower, was talking with an old friend who laughingly remarked: “I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your new husband sometimes talks about his first wife.” “Oh, not anymore, he doesn’t,” the other replied. “What stopped him?” “I started talking about my next husband.”
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A very dumb man applies for a job at the supermarket. He gets the job. The first day his training started. His boss said “I’ll pretend to be the customer and you make a sale to me.” “Okay, let’s start. Excuse me sir, but how much are these oranges?” “Umm…I dunno,” replied the trainee lamely. “No, no, no! You’re supposed to say, ‘A dollar seventy-five’!” scolded the boss. “Let’s try again.” “Excuse me sir, but how much are these oranges?”…
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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, but that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On…
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