Poo Jokes - page 15

Things Learned From Children

Things Learned from Children For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, think of this as birth control. 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house, 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.…

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The Monsignor and the Priest

A new priest saying mass for the first time was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor told him that he appeared nervous but that he had some advice for him. He told the new priest that he always puts a glass of vodka next to the water glass. ?If I get nervous I drink from that glass? the Monsignor told the priest. The following Sunday the priest…

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10 Questions Not To Ask During A Job Interview

Top 10 Questions You Should Never Ask When Being Interviewed For A Job : 1. What’s your company’s policy on severance pay? 2. How long does it take your company’s bureaucracy to get around to firing somebody for poor performance? 3. Could I get an office that’s really close to the exit? 4. Does your company’s life insurance cover suicide? 5. Who’s the ugly bitch in that picture on your desk? 6. Does your company’s insurance consider genital herpes a…

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Molecular Genetics

A guy walks into a bar, approaches the bartender and says: “I’ve been working on a top secret project on molecular genetics for the past five years, and I’ve just got to talk to someone about it.” The bartender says: “Wait a minute. Before we talk about that, just answer me a few questions. When a deer defecates, why does it come out like little pellets?” The guy didn’t know. The bartender then asks, “Why is it that when a…

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my son

Four work buddies were out golfing at the 11th hole one of them says, “Play on … I have to go to the bathroom”, so they play on and get to talking about their sons. The first guy says, “I am really proud of my son. He is doing so well, he bought his friend a new car.” The second man boasts, “My son is doing so well that he just bought his friend a 24′ boat.” The third guy…

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What Price Funeral?

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside, except for a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died, and Muldoon went to the local Methodist minister saying, “Pastor, my dog just died. Could you possibly have a wee service for the poor creature?” Pastor Patrick told the farmer, “No, we can’t have services for an animal in the church, but I’ll tell you what. There’s one of those new denominations down the road aways, and no telling…

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Waiting at the Pearly Gates

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter reviews the Big Book to see if the man?s name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, ?I?m sorry, I don?t see your name written in the Big Book.? ?How current is your copy?? asks the man. ?I get a download every ten minutes,? St. Peter replies, ?Why do you ask?? ?I?m embarrassed to admit it, but…

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The Last Laugh

An Irishman is driving down a quiet country road when a policeman drives up behind him and pulls him over. “Excuse me sir,” the copper says, “I don’t believe that this is your car.” “I can assure you it is,” Paddy replies. But the PC still doesn’t believe poor old Paddy, so he gets him out of the car and onto the road. The policeman then proceeds to draw a circle around the Irishman and returns to the car. “I’m…

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Anything for Golf

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole, the following conversation takes place. First Guy: “You guys have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing today. I had to promise my wife that I’d build her a new deck for the pool.” Second Guy: “You’re lucky. I had to promise my wife that I’d paint every room in the house next weekend.” Third Guy: “You guys have it easy. I had to…

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