Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A government employee sits in his office and, out of boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. “This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides and takes it home with him. While he’s polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish for an ice cold beer right now!” He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can…
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The Office of Personnel Management for the United States government today announced the 2001 holiday schedule for federal employees. There will be two fewer holidays in Washington, D.C., next year. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been cancelled. The witch is moving to New York, and she’s taking the turkey with her.
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A businessman walks into a bank in Boston and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for…
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From: Automated Payroll Processing Date: January 1, 00 Re: Vacation Pay Dear Valued Employee: Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time for the past 100 year(s). As I’m sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work, or notify our office and your next pay cheque…
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If you have to write a ‘letter of recommendation’ for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases: -For the chronically absent: A man like him is hard to find. It seemed her career was just taking off. -For the office drunk: I feel his real talent is wasted here. We generally found him loaded with work to do. Every hour with him was a happy hour. -For an employee with no ambition: He could not care less about…
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Boss: “Do you believe in life after death???” New Employee: “Yes, Sir.” Boss: “Well, then, that explains it. After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see your new office.”
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Here’s one for the women: ADD a bed SUBTRACT your clothes DIVIDE your legs so we can MULTIPLY. Yo mama got more extensions than AT&T. Yo mama so fat her blood type is rocky road. Yo mama so old when Moses parted the Red Sea she was taking a swim. Yo family so black if they hold hands they look like a stretch limo. Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a phone company. Yo mama so fat…
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An employment interviewer for a big company in Atlanta was talking to an attractive, young woman applying for a job. Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work. “What about your bus line?” the interviewer asked her. “I must have overlooked that one,” came her reply. “It’s 36C.”
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IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN THE AIRLINES – by J. Hovind UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about WHAT kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they…
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One morning, the owner of a diner gathers all four of his employees and tells them, “Business has been so bad these days that I am forced to fire one of you.” The black dishwasher is the first to speak up, “Well, I’m the only black around here and you wouldn’t want to get into that.” The pregnant waitress warns, “As the only woman in your employment, I can sue you for sexual discrimination.” Crossing his arms, the old cook…
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